Chapter 12
When I went to the security desk, I found out that they were not back from activities in the gym. (They went once a day to a small gym on the same floor. There they could let off some steam it was used as part of their therapy. Sometimes it is good to do something that is purely physical that does not require thought. The activities ranged from basketball to crafts and had to cover ages that ranged from 4 years to 18 year olds.) After about 15 minutes Matt came in and I was allowed to sign him out. After everyone else had gone back inside he gave me a quick hug. The security guard smiled at me when I looked up. Matt was at the age where a hug was still needed but it would be so uncool to be seen getting one.
She said, “Enjoy the McDonalds.”
I smiled back at her. “Don’t worry I am sure he will.”
Matt asked, “Did Sally come with you?”
“Yeah she is waiting for us at the McDonalds.”
Matt looked a little nervous and said “Uncle she’s not mad at me is she?”
“Heavens no! Why should she be?”
“I mean I let you all down.”
“Matt you did not let anyone down. You have been depressed lately. You recognized that you have a problem and are dealing with it. That is not letting us down that is acting very maturely. I am proud of you for taking control of your life doing what you needed to do.”
He blushed and said “Thanks Uncle.”
I gave him another hug and said, “Now lets go downstairs and get something to eat. I know you must be hungry by now.”
He grinned and said, “Yeah the food here is worse than at the cafeteria at school. I never thought I would say anything was worse than that. Last night they served something. They said it was lasagna but you could not tell by the taste or looking at it.”
When we were in the elevator he turned to me and said, “I am feeling better today. Thanks for not listening to me yesterday. I really do have a problem I know that. But it sure made me think when I listened to some of the guys here. I am lucky to have you to live with.”
He had tears in his eyes when he said it.
“Matt hon I am the lucky one. You are a wonderful young man and I am so proud of the way you are taking steps to get better.”
I hugged him and handed him my handkerchief so he could wipe his eyes. I know that he would be embarrassed if he were caught crying. His dad had really drilled that into him. For about the thousandth time I cursed them under my breath. When we got to the McDonalds Sally was waiting at the table. She got up and gave Matt a hug and whispered something into his ear.
He hugged her back and said quietly “Thanks.”
They sat down and I asked “What do you want Sally?”
“Caesar Salad and a Coke please.”
“How about you Matt?”
“Big Mac meal, upsized, with a coke.”
“I will be right back.”
The line was not too bad as it was 1:00 PM and the major rush was over. I grabbed their orders and regular Big Mac meal 4 apple pies, as I knew Matt loved them. I figured that he could easily eat 2 of them himself and that left one each for Sally and I.
When I got back to the table they were deep in conversation. It looked to be a serious one. I had to clear my throat for them to realize I was back with the food. I was very glad that Sally had come with me. I had known that Matt had taken to Sally from the first night he was here. She acted as his surrogate mother. I knew that he really looked up to her and I was glad she was willing to be there for him. At the same time I recognized that it could not be easy for here. It had to be bringing back painful memories. That she was willing to be there for him spoke volumes about her. She had always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to or to vent with. Now she was doing the same for Matt. Right then I vowed to do more for her. I had always tried to be there for her but she was so self-reliant that it was not always easy.
Matt made room for me on his side of the booth and I sat down with the food.
Through out the meal Matt was quite. Of course it is hard to say anything with a big Mac stuffed in your mouth. Matt was usually had good table manners but not today. When he finished the Big Mac he even burped. I looked up and he was blushing.
“Sorry Sally I guess I ate it a little to fast.” He said with a giggle.
I just rolled my eyes. He seemed to be a little too up and I made a note to talk with Dr. Woodlief about it. I was sure it was a side effect of the medication they had put him on.
When we finished eating he asked if we could go out into the courtyard. He wanted to be outside till it was time to go back upstairs.
We found a seat at a picnic table and Sally said, “I will be right back. Do you know where the restrooms are?”
When she was out of earshot I asked “Matt hon how are you
doing today?”
“I’m doing better Uncle honest. I know the medication has not had enough time to fully get into my body. I think more than anything I had forgotten what I had going for me. I was just focused on what was wrong. They told me that was normal when you are depressed but it is not easy to see when you are in the middle of it. There are kids here in even worse situations than I was in and they don’t have anywhere to go. As far as the cutting goes I am going to do my best to never do it again. They are working with me so I can break the pattern.”
He looked up to see if I understood what he was trying to say. I truly did and I think he read that in my eyes.
He looked down and said “They have given me some tips to help me when I feel the urge to cut myself. That along with the medication should help me beat this. But I am not going to lie to you and say that I have stopped having the urges. They are easier to control now but they are still there.”
He looked a little scared when he looked up to me to gauge my reaction to what he had said.
I looked him right in the eye and said “Matt hon what you just said makes me so proud of you. You are facing your fears and trying to be honest with yourself and with me. I could not be prouder of you.”
He blushed and looked down for a moment. Then said “Uncle thanks for everything you do for me. You are so different from my Dad. Sometimes I might not show it but I do know it.”
It was my turn to tear up and look down for a second. Here he was in the hospital and he was worried about my feelings.
Sally came back to the table we went back to small talk. But I knew I would cherish what Matt had said. Long after he was grown I would be able to look back on this day and know that my nephew was truly growing up. Not only that but he was turning into a fine person. I mean he always was a good kid, don’t get me wrong. But I now knew t hat he was beginning to heal. Just this conversation had shown me that he was on the road to taking control of his life. That was so important. His mother had never learned how to do that. So all through her life it was always someone else’s fault. Or someone made here drink by upsetting her. I could not recall one time when it ever occurred to her that her choices had played a role in what she had become.
© Joseph Men 2004