Chapter 19

The last couple of weeks have taken a toll on all of us. Matt has handled things with bravery and a maturity that makes me proud. Sometimes I think that he is handling things better than me.

The assault and rape of Josh, from the youth support group was a bitter reminder that the more things change, the more they were the same. I am so afraid for Matt and Timmy. I know I should not let my past experiences color what is happening here. But I do feel that the danger is real in this case. I will not relax till the whole group is behind bars and serving long prison terms. When I was on the streets one of my friends was raped and murdered. No one was ever arrested for his murder. In fact the police did nothing more than ask a few questions and drop it.

I will never forget the prevailing attitude of the neighborhood and the police. It was 1968 in the south and gay were still being targeting with impunity. It was not said but was clearly understood that if anything happened to you it was your own fault for being gay. The attitude was that it was after all only a street kid. They had no business being out hustling anyway. He was obviously gay and they just got what they deserved. Meanwhile the very people making those pronouncements were there on the weekend cruising by in their shiny cars looking to pick up a kid. God! How I despised them! The hypocrites!

I have started going to a therapist again to help me deal with my own demons. The last thing I want to do is to burden Matt with my own fears and hang-ups.

I am still paying the price for what I had to do to survive back then. Don’t get me wrong I know that I have it better than 99% percent of the kids who were on the street with me. But I could still be triggered by certain situations even today.

When I picked up Matt and Timmy from school I could tell something was wrong from the moment they got in the car. Timmy was not himself and Matt looked upset. I watched them in the rear view mirror as I drove them home. They were talking but I could not make out what they were saying. But I did see Matt and Timmy kiss, it was so cute, they are adorable together. When we arrived at the store I told them that we needed to talk when I had finished some paperwork.

I was not looking forward to the conversation I needed to have with them. It was obvious to me that they were getting very close and that I needed to set some rules right now before things got out of hand. There were dangers in our situations that they needed to be aware of.  

When I checked my messages there was one from Steve. I was surprised when he picked up. You usually had to leave a message and he would call you back. But this time he answered and it threw me for a second. I guess he must have noticed because he laughed and said, “You did not expect to catch me did you?”

“Well no, to tell you the truth. Usually I have to leave a message.”

“I have told them to route my calls directly through for right now. That way Timmy can get through to me if he needs me. Right now I don’t want him to feel like he can’t reach me in an emergency. I am glad you called me back I think we need to plan out what we are going to say and how it is presented to Timmy and Matt. What do you think would be the best way to present it to them? There is a lot more riding on this than they realize. Heaven knows that when I was their age I was horny all the time. But there are risks here for both of them. It is unfortunate but all of us would be treated more harshly if they were caught being sexually active, Timmy because I am a cop and both you and Matt because you are a Gay man raising a gay son. With Matt’s position being the big concern for both of you. While you have the paperwork making you his guardian that guardianship could easily be taken away from you if it were shown that you had condoned them being engaged in sex underage. Then Matt’s options would be severely limited to where he could go. They would not place him back with his parents not after the revelations about the abuse he suffered there. So he would have to go into foster care and lets be frank here Joe. He would not stand a chance of being placed as a sexually active gay teen. That only leaves the group homes, which are worse than jails.

Somebody has to be the bad guy here. It might as well be me. I will go over the negative consequences of getting caught if you will cover the positive reasons for waiting. Does that sound ok to you?”

Hearing him coldly listing the possible outcomes to their getting caught about made me sick. I already knew all of them but he laid them out in a way that was very powerful. It shamed me a little that I was going to allow him to shoulder the burden of delivering the hard facts to the kids but I knew that he would do a better job than me so I was more than ready to allow him to do so.

“Yeah that sounds like it will work Steve. I just hate to have you take on the all the negative aspects.”

“Don’t worry I have had plenty of practice dealing with situations like this. I do admit that it will be harder when my son is involved but that makes it even more important.”

“I am grateful for you help. Before Matt came to live with me I had never even considered the possibility of having children. It has been a learning experience for me. But I am very grateful that he has come into my life. He is a wonderful young man and I am very proud of him.”

“I know you are Joe and you have every right to be. I think we both are lucky that our kids have made good choices for there first relationships.

“And your son has been so good for him Steve. Timmy is a fine young man; I don’t think I have either seen a kid his age more secure about who he is and what he wants out of life. You have done a fine job of raising him.”

“I wish I could take the credit for that but I cant. Timmy has always been that way. What you see is what you get. Sometimes that has made things hard for him but he somehow keeps his focus on what he wants and where he is going.”

“I don’t think you give yourself near enough credit there, Steve. He knew he was loved and he trusted you enough to tell you when he first figured out he was gay. Very few parents have that level of trust and communication. The coming out process for many gay youth is very stressful and is agonized over for a fairly long period of time. He trusted you enough to come to you and you upheld that trust. That makes a big difference. It’s one of the reasons that I respect you so much. You were there for your child period.”

 

“I could tell that I had embarrassed him because he did not respond right away but I meant what I had said.”

He coughed and I quietly said “Thanks Joe the same goes for you. You have done a remarkable job with Matt. I know you have worried about your supposed lack of experience with children but in my book you have done a great job.”

“I just try to do what I think is right. But I can tell you that I have spent a lot of sleepless nights worrying about him.”

“Welcome to the club. When you have kids particularly teens it is part of the job description.”

“I know you can’t comment on details Steve but what is going on with Josh’s case. Have they gotten any leads on where the other two are hiding? I know that Matt and Timmy both are very worried about the situation.”

“They should be, those two thugs don’t have much to lose at this point. They are fugitives and there are arrest warrants out for both of them. I should not be telling you this but I know that I can trust you. We think their parents know more than they are telling us and we have them under surveillance right now hoping that they will lead us to them. It is only a matter of time their pictures and descriptions are all over the area. They will be caught. And when they are it is extremely unlikely that they will be allowed out on bail. Not with the severity of their crime and their past history. This is not the first time they have been in trouble. Please don’t repeat any of this but they are in for a long time in jail.

Listen thanks again for picking up Timmy and letting him stay at your house. I was going crazy trying to think of some way to keep him safe right now.”

“Your welcome Steve. It is no trouble at all and Matt is certainly happy he is coming over after school everyday.”

“I bet he is. I wonder if they will both be as happy with us after we talk with them.”

“Probably not but they are both good kids and after they have time to think about what we have said they will be fine. If you want to know the truth they will probably be secretly relieved that we have set some rules. It will give them an added layer of security as they try to figure out things for themselves. I am not deluding myself that they will hold off forever. But I do want them to be in a place where they are ready to handle the ramifications of their actions.”

“I hope you are right Joe. One thing is for sure it will be an interesting discussion that is for sure.”

We agreed on the basic outline of what we would and said that when he came over to pick up Timmy we would have the discussion.

It went far better than I could have hoped. They both seemed to accept that we were doing what we thought was best. Don’t get me wrong they were not happy about it but they both agreed to the guidelines.

The next day after our talk things got ugly at the store.

It seems like the whole area was talking about the two fugitives. I had overheard comments in my bookshop about it.

It was late afternoon and I was rearranging some shelves when I heard someone loudly say, “The little fag probably instigated it and then could not handle it. He got what he deserved.”

I stopped what I was doing and immediately headed for the front of the store. I was shocked to see that it was someone I seen somewhere before causing the commotion. I could not place him exactly but I did know that I had seen him around town. Then it hit me. I had seen him “preaching” in the park on Sunday. His message was all about hate and intolerance. There had been an effort by some in the community to force him out of the park as he was creating a disturbance. But that had come to naught as he had somehow obtained a permit to be there. 

He voice was continuing to rise as he said, “You all should be ashamed of yourself supporting a bookstore owned by a fag. He even has a young child living with him. God only knows what he is doing with him! Don’t you see? He is corrupting your children. There is even a gay youth group that meets here! The whole lot of them should be run out of town.”

I stepped up to him forcing myself to be polite I said, “Can I help you? I am the owner.”

“Yeah” He got right in my face and said “Your little plan to corrupt our youth is finished. By tomorrow I plan to let everyone know what is really going on in here. It will never stand the light of day. I fully intend to shut you down fag. We don’t need your type around here. And if I can’t shut down that way I will make sure that you can’t stay in business. I don’t care what it takes.”

That was all I needed to hear and I said, “First of all I resent your comments and false accusations that you have made. I sincerely hope for your sake that you have a good lawyer because you are going to need one. Second I think that you need to leave my shop right now. You have disturbed my customers and insulted my staff and you have indirectly threatened us. I am notifying you right now that you that you are banned from my store. If you set foot in here again I will have you arrested for trespassing. Do I make myself clear?

“You can’t do that it is a public place. I will stay as long as I want.” He looked smugly at me when he said it.

“Just watch me.” I said and then I turned to Zack and said, “Please call the police and inform them that we have someone in the store is causing a disturbance. And that he refuses to leave.”

Several regular customers had overheard the comment and were furious and they spoke up and said that they would be glad to confirm what had happened.

Zack gave me a grateful look and picked up the phone and started to dial the number for the police.

When he saw that I was serious he yelled a few more obscenities and left slamming the door behind him. He slammed it with such force that several small decorations fell from their displays and broke. There was a stunned silence in the shop and I felt that people were watching me as I walked to the back and got a broom to clean up the mess. When I was safely in the back I leaned against the door for minute to regain my composure as I was shaking like a leaf. I hated confrontations and this one had been very public. Quickly I found the broom and cleaned the mess up. By the time I was finished sweeping up the mess a police officer showed up. He seemed to take what had happened seriously and wanted to help, he took notes and spoke to several customers as well. When he finished he asked if he could speak to me in my office and I said sure.

When we got to my office I said, “What did you need to speak to me about?”

"I just wanted you to know that you are not he first he has had a run in with. The guy is a nut case if you ask me. But please don’t quote me on that. You will probably have trouble from him, as he does have a few followers. Just be careful and please report and suspicious activity or threats to us at once. You might be interested to know that he is the uncle of one of the guys that attacked the kid from the high school.”

When he said that some things fell into place for me. I thanked him for his help and he left.  I called Steve to fill him in.

When he answered I said, “I just had a run in with that nutcase who “preaches” at the park. He knew about Matt living here and that the youth support group was meeting here. I don’t know how he could have found learned about the youth support group. We have not advertised where the meeting was being held. Something just does not add up here. He had two much information. He has access to information he should not have. Then the officer who came and took the report said that he was the uncle of one of the kids who attacked Josh. Do you think there is a chance he knows where they are?”

All I heard was. “Damn it!”

I was a little put off by his response till he continued, “I don’t know how in the hell we missed the connection. Thanks for calling me I think you are onto something. I am going to get some surveillance on him right away.”

“Steve it seems to me that either he has been talking to his nephew or there is some kind of leak at the police station. Either way I am worried that we are in danger right now. Do you think that we could have a patrol car swing by the shop at night? I really am beginning to freak here.”

 “Yeah I can arrange for a patrol car to patrol your block more often. I don’t think the leak is from the police end but I will keep an open mind about it. I want to thank you for calling me about this. Most people would have assumed that we already knew. It would be best if the youth meeting were moved this Friday. If that idiot were to try anything the kids could be in danger. Then there is the danger of some of them being outted to family or the community. Would you see if we could arrange to meet at one of the families houses or perhaps break it up into age groups at different locations?”

“Sure I will make some calls and see what I can get set up. But we will have to get the word out. Matt and Timmy can talk to the guys at their school and phone calls can be made to the families of the kids who are out. What worries me is the ones who will show up that we could not get the word out to. I will have to keep an eye out for anyone who does show up and make sure they are safe.”

“Ok that sounds like a plan. I will have a unit sitting somewhere on your block near meeting time. He can assist you if there is any trouble. That way you wont have to wait for help to get there. Thanks again for the information.”

“Hell you are welcome Steve we all have a vested interest in getting those idiots behind bars.”

After he hung up I made call a call to Mr. Davis the Co Chair of the youth group and explained what had happened and that it was recommended that we meet somewhere else this Friday. He thanked me and said he would get right on making arrangements.

Then I went back out to see how Zack was doing. He was still visibly shaken by what had happened. When he saw me approaching he said, “Thanks Mr. Brooks. I don’t know what I would have done if you had not stepped in. I was about to deck the bastard and that would not of been good.”

“No it would not have Zack and I am glad you kept your composure. I am proud of you.”

“Speaking of keeping your composure I don’t know how you did that. You faced him down and made him look small. That was great Mr. Brooks! You kept your cool and just made him look like an asshole.”

“What do you mean look like an asshole, he is one.”

Zack laughed when I said that but I could tell he was troubled by what had happened.

“Zack we are going to have our gay youth support meeting in some of the member houses this Friday. The police think it would be safer for the youth. We don’t know what that idiot might try. Mr. Davis is making calls right now to get it set up. I am sure he will need you to let everyone know over at the college.”

He nodded and then said, “Mr. Brooks would it be ok for me to come in a little late tomorrow? That way I could catch a lot of the guys over at school before I come in.”

“Sure Zack I think that is a great idea.”

“What about the ones we can’t reach?”

“I am going to be watching out for anyone who does not get the word and shows up here. There is going to be a police car on our block so I will have help if needed.”

Now I was going to have to tell Matt and Timmy. There was already too much stress on Matt I did not know how he was going to react to this added stress. Our house had been a place of refuge for him now even this place of safety was being threatened. 

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© Joseph Men 2004