Chapter 26

Today for the first time, I was alone since I was raped. Here I am a 14-year-old and I was scared to be alone. That really sucks. I almost did not answer the doorbell because I was scared it might be someone that I did not want to face. When I looked through the peephole and saw it was my tutor I felt stupid. She is nice enough but all business while she tutors me. Today we were going over my math homework. But at least while she was here it took my mind off of things. When she left I turned on the TV so I would have some noise and started on my homework.

My damn ribs are still hurting and will for another week or so they told me. It does feel weird to have the teeth back my tongue keeps bumping up against them. But I am almost adjusted to them. Matt and Timmy came by and we talked about me going back to school on Monday. They also brought me a card from all of the guys at school. I was surprised that David thought of it and followed through with it. Matt says that he is big and mean on the outside but nice on the inside. Hehe

Matt and Timmy agreed to ride with mom and I to school. That made me feel better about things.

Monday morning I got up and did my usual sponge bath. Boy will I be glad when I can take a real shower. But I have to be careful of getting the cast or incisions wet.

We left at 7:00 AM so we would have time to pick them up on the way to school. When we pulled up to the bookstore they were waiting at the door and hopped in.

Matt leaned forward and asked “Josh how are you doing this morning?”

“I’m scared but am hanging in there.”

Timmy said, “We will be there for you Josh. All of us are going to keep an eye on you.”

I tried to hold back the tears but it was no use. I was half-sad and half-happy. I was sad because of what had happened but happy because for the first time I had real friends. It made me all mixed up inside.

Matt touched my shoulder and I saw how concerned he was.

“I’ll be ok Matt. It’s just that I am kind of mixed up inside right now. I am scared to death to go back but I am glad that I have friends like you and the rest of the group. I have never had anyone other than my mother care whither I was dead or alive…”

I could not continue as I was sobbing. Mom got scared and pulled into the supermarket parking lot and parked. She pulled me into a hug, then she gently rocked back and forth saying, “Just let it out honey. It’s going to get better honey I promise it will.”

Gradually I was able to catch my breath. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and got a tissue to blow my nose. At first I was ashamed to look up at Matt and Timmy. But when I finally did I saw nothing but concern in their eyes.

Matt said, “Josh we will be there I promise it. I know a little of what you are going through I felt the same way with all that I had been through. Just hang in there and it will get better. For the first couple of days after my uncle got shot and we got back to school people were all curious. Most were really concerned but there were a few assholes that were not. But after a couple of days it faded.”

He grinned and said, “The ones that are assholes don’t have the attention span to stay focused for long.”

My mom looked back at him and cleared her throat. And Matt blushed when he realized that he had cussed in front of her. But mom could not keep a straight face for long and even she half smiled. But she still put in the obligatory warning about cussing around her.

Matt stammered an apology and she laughed and said, “Normally I would be upset but in this case I agree with your description of them.”

I don’t know who was more shocked Matt or I. I know that I was shocked that’s for sure.

Once she was sure that I was ok we pulled back out on the road and headed to school.

When we got to school Matt and Timmy got out first. I turned to my mom and said, “Love you mom.”

She gave me a worried smile and said, “You call me if it gets to be to much today ok?”

“I will mom, I promise.”

She softly said, “I love you Joshua.”

I was kind of surprised because she hardly ever used my full name. I could see tears in her eyes and is said, “Mom don’t worry I will be ok.”

“I know hon. I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Now go, you are going to be late if you don’t get moving.”

I joined Matt and Timmy and we walked up the steps together.

When we went in the front door. I felt so scared I thought I was going to throw up but it was not as bad as I thought it would be. A lot of people actually came up to me and said they were glad I was back at school. True I did have to deal the look of pity in their eyes but it was nice that they took the time to say something to me. Gradually as the day wore on life almost felt normal again. I was back in my routine but with a big difference I had friends who cared about me.

At lunch the whole crowd was there to welcome me back. It really made me feel better. David picked me up and lifted me up to eye level and said welcome back. My ribs kind of resented it and I blushed beet read but still it made me feel good.

He laughed at me blushing and said “Josh it’s good to have you back with us.”

God that boy is strong. He did not even strain when he picked me up. It would be nice to have a boyfriend like that.

Matt leaned over to me and said, “How is it going Josh?”

“Good so far most everyone has been really nice. Some people even came up to me and said how glad they were to see me back. I don’t get it most of them did not even know I existed before now the are coming up to me and saying nice things.”

“Well a lot of people were really upset by what happened and it made them think.

David leaned over and said, “Josh you let me know if anyone gives you any grief.”

I swallowed the fries I was chewing on and said, “I will.”

Then the talk turned to other things going on at school and I ate the rest of my lunch in silence.

After lunch Matt walked me to my next class. I knew he was keeping an eye on me but I did not mind it made me feel good that he cared enough to do it.

English was my next class and I walked in and Matt continued on to his biology class. He is in advanced classes so we don’t share any classes I wish we did. We had a class discussion on “fairy tales” and it was kind of interesting. All through history people could not come out and criticize the government. So they wrote their criticism into the stories or fairy tales. I had not thought about it but when our teacher explained what they meant it was kind of neat.

My next class would have been Gym but I was excused from any physical activity for at least another 2 weeks. That meant that I had study hall twice a day. It turned out ok because I could get caught up on my assignments. That was a big help.

During study hall I did hear my first negative comment. This was not my regular study hall and when I went in everyone stared at me. I don’t know if it was because of my getting raped or because I was gay or both.

While I was walking in this one girl in the back of the room called me a fag when I walked by her. She said it low enough that only the girl across from her and I could hear. I just ignored her and I heard her friend giggle as I walked up to the front of the room to get as far away from her as I could. That was really the worst thing that happened all day and I had been hearing that for almost a year. I won’t lie and say it did not hurt because it did. With all the positives of the day that was a dose of reality. However I quickly forgot both of them as I worked on my makeup assignments.

When the bell rang I gathered up my stuff and carefully picked up my books. Because of the ribs I was going to my locker between each class so I did not have to carry too much. My ribs were still complaining a lot when I over used them. Because I was at school I could not take as much painkiller as I took at home. By the time I had gathered my books up David showed up and walked with me to my next class.

When we got the door I looked up at him and said, “Thanks for everything David it really means a lot to me.”

“I like you. You are a friend of mine and I watch out for my friends. It took a lot of guts for you to sit with us that day, it impressed me. Your ok in my book.”

The rest of the day passed quickly and overall it went much better than I thought it would.

Mom was waiting for me when I walked out of school. I had finished my homework in study hall so I did not have any books with me.

Mom looked at me and said, “Hon why don’t you have your books with you?”

“I finished my makeup work and my homework in the 2 study halls. So I decided to leave them at school so I don’t have to lug them back in the morning.”

She smiled and said, “Well if that’s the case why don’t we go and get a milkshake on the way home.”

“That’s sounds good mom but could we go through the drive thru and drink them on the way home. I am a little tired and want to lay down for a while.”

 

She gave me a worried look and said, “Are you ok hon?”

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just that my ribs are hurting and I’m kind of tired.”

“How did things go today?”

“It was great mom. A lot of people who I have never even spoken to came up to me and said hi and told me it was good that I was back. And all the guys from the support group watched out for me all day. I don’t think it is going to be as bad as I thought it would be. But we will have to see how things are after people get used to having me back.”

“Hon please remember to report any harassment at once. The school has promised me that they will take it very seriously if anyone harasses you.”

“Don’t worry mom with all the guys looking after me I don’t think anyone will be stupid enough to come after me.”

I could tell she was still worried but she did not say any more about it.

We stopped at the Dairy Queen and we both got chocolate milkshakes. The rest of the trip home was made in silence as we sipped our shakes. When we got home I went up to my room and took a pain pill and laid down. The next thing I knew, mom was waking me up to eat dinner.

<BACK       NEXT CHAPTER>

 © Joseph Men 2005