The Closing

Chapter 3

Shopping with Matt had been fun. He was so easy to please. Two hours and several hundred dollars poorer we arrived back home. The smile on his face would have been worth any amount of money. For a brief time he forgot his problems and shook off his sadness. He ran upstairs to put his new cloths away and I went to speak to Zack. The bookstore closed at 9:30 PM and the group was scheduled to arrive at 9:45 PM. To tell you the truth I was a little nervous about the meeting. I hoped they would see this as an opportunity for the youth to have something special. But you never know how people will react. I had seen way too many projects fall apart even when started with the best of motives.

I said hi to Zack and checked to see if there was anything I needed to handle. But as usual Zack had everything under control.
There were still about 4 hours till closing and I decided to walk over to the café and talk to Sally for a few minutes. I knew that she was usually in the back doing paperwork about this time of day. We had gotten in the routine of drinking a cup of coffee and just talking. Zack had been a godsend in that way. With him at the shop I could take a few minutes and go spend some time just relaxing. Sally and I had become best friends over the last couple of months and we knew pretty much all there was to know about each other.

Sally had lost a son when he was only 17 years old. To this day she was convinced the he was killed because of his orientation. He had been out at his school and had received several death threats over the course of the year. His body had been found in an alley just 3 blocks from their café. The murder had never been solved in spite of Sally’s constant pressure on the local police. All of this had occurred several years before I purchased the bookstore. Ben had been their only child and the stress of his death had broken apart their marriage. Ed had not been able to handle the memories and had signed over the café to Sally and left. She had not heard from him in over 2 years and rarely spoke of him anymore.

I knew I had surprised Sally with my nephew. But there had been no time to tell her before he had arrived. Knowing her I was in for the third degree about this. She was that kind of person genuinely interested in people. When she asked you how you were she meant it. It was not some idle phrase.

I walked over to her café and asked David the cook if she was in the back. She yelled “Its ok Joseph come on back and bring me a cup of coffee as well please."

I grabbed her cup of coffee: black no cream or sugar. I grimaced when I thought of drinking it that way. Call me a wimp if you want to but I hated coffee without cream or sugar. After getting the cups of coffee I headed into the back and sat in the chair by her desk.
She looked tired. She took off her reading glasses and rubbed her eyes and said, “There is more damned paperwork every year and my eyes are just not up to it anymore.”

Then she looked up and said, “I know I am preaching to the choir Joseph it’s just that it never seems to end.”

I nodded in sympathy and sipped my coffee gathering my thoughts. “Sally I need some advice and maybe some help if you are up to it. But I warn you this could be a little painful for you, and I don’t want to open up old wounds. It’s just that I don’t know whom else to turn to right now."

She reached over and took my hand and said, “Its about Matt isn’t it?”

“Yes it is Sally I find myself suddenly the parent of a teenaged boy who was just kicked out on the street by his parents. I use the term parent loosely with them. My sister and her husband freaked when they found out he was gay. His father roughed him up some and ordered him out of the house. Never mind it was below freezing and sleeting. They just threw him out like he was some broken toy! He has put on a brave front for me but I know inside he must just be shattered.”

I had to stop for a moment as I was overcome with sadness over what Matt had been through in the last 48 hours.

I knew from bitter experience that it would take years to heal from this. The one advantage he would have it that there would be support for him. I had sworn to myself that I would be there for him. Knowing that he would need counseling I had called the local PFLAG chapter and informed them that I had a nephew coming to live with me. I made arrangements for us to join the local chapter as a family. They had referred me to this psychologist. He was already working with several gay youth in the area. He was first on my list of calls Monday morning.

Sally brought me back to earth with a gentle squeeze of my hand. “Joseph you will do fine. What he needs most right now is to know that you care and that you won't abandon him. Don’t worry I know you will make a fine parent.”

I looked up at Sally and noticed the tears in her eyes and said, “I know its tough Sally. If this it too hard on you I wont talk about it.”

She shook her head and said, “No. Joseph I want to help. It’s just that I miss him so much. Sometimes I still find myself thinking that he will just walk in the door and it will have been some kind of horrible dream.”

Holding her hand I let her cry it out. These were quiet tears. Tears of regret and loss for a son who she would never hold again. I knew that there were no words that would help. They would be hollow. So I just held her hand and waited.

She looked up with her eyes still moist with tears. “Thanks Joseph. I spend all my time trying to pretend that I am all right. But Damn it I’m not! I miss my husband and I miss my son and neither one is coming back. Sometimes I get so damned lonely. Somehow I have to find something else to do with my life outside of this restaurant.” She shook her head and continued, “Look Joseph you did not need to hear all of that, I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head in turn I replied, “Sally you are my friend and anytime you need a shoulder to cry on you let me know. Don’t try to be superwomen all the time. God knows I have cried on your shoulder enough.”

Nothing else was said for a while as we sipped our coffee. It was the silence of two friends who enjoy each other’s company. As we finished up the coffee I looked up.

“Sally I am meeting with the local gay youth support group and plan to offer them the use of the space above my bookstore.”

She looked at me shocked. “Joseph that is wonderful! I am so proud of you. But you know people in the neighborhood are not going to like that at all.”

“Well they needed somewhere to meet and I have all that space. And I figured it would be good for Matt as well to meet other gay youth.” I hesitated and said, “Sally I need to ask you something?”

“What?”

“Could you consider helping me with the meetings. I have to be very careful with this. You know how some will react. There can be no room for accusations. They will twist even the most innocent of actions. That is why I need to make sure that they are safe and there are firm rules. No adult will be allowed to be alone with the youth at all. I guess what I am asking is will you help me to make sure that this is a success for them. You don’t have to answer right now but please think it over. And if the some in the neighborhood don’t like it I don’t care. The youth deserve a place to be safe and be themselves. You know I don’t need the money. If business dries up then so be it. I paid cash for the building and my retirement money is enough to get along on. I might have to get a part time job but it is worth it. The bookstore will stay open even if I only have one customer. But I don’t think that will come to that. And I have some ideas to help keep it safe for everyone. I will enforce rules on what can and can’t happen on my property. There will be no drugs or alcohol allowed on site and no weapons. And anyone under the influence will not be allowed to attend. If the youth support group will agree to these rules and live by them they can use the space. It’s not like we are going to advertise the meeting place. The youth will feel safe because it is a bookstore. So when they come in no one will know what they are going in for.” I stood up and continued, “Well I had better get back. I have a ton of paperwork to do before I help Zack with closing. Thanks for the coffee Sally.”

“Anytime Joseph anytime at all.” She held out her arms,“Now give me a hug and get out of here so I can get some work done.”

Laughing I gave her a quick hug and left for my place.

When I got back to the store things were busy but not swamped. So I headed upstairs to get the paperwork done. I knew that Zack would call me if he needed help. It took me over 3 hours to get it all finished. By that time I was glad to go upstairs and fix dinner for Matt and I. When I went into the living room I found him sitting in my reading chair with his book. I was glad he was reading but worried that he was withdrawing further into himself. I had not pushed him to talk about what had happened. Hoping he would open up to me. But so far our conversations had consisted of very superficial topics. I made dinner and called Matt to the table. He smiled when he saw the mashed potatoes (they were his favorite vegetable). We ate dinner without much talk and I told him I had to go down to help with the evening crowd. He asked about the meeting with the youth support group and I told him he was welcome to be in the meeting with me. After all it was his place as well as mine. And that got a smile from him.

I relieved Zack and he went over to the café to get some supper. He was not going to bother to go home, as he needed to be here for the meeting with the youth group. Things stayed steady till about 8:00 PM and then as usual slacked off. I was able to get almost everything done before closing. Zack showed back up with a friend around 8:30 and they sat down in the reading area. They were deep in conversation so I did not bother them. At 9:30 I shut off the open sign and locked the door. Then I closed out the register and dropped the money into the floor safe. By then it was almost time for the meeting. I went back and unlocked the front door. So they could get in out of the cold while they were waiting. I called upstairs and told Matt that the meeting was getting ready to start and that he was welcome to join us if he wanted. Matt came downstairs looking a little nervous and he sat close to me on the reading couch.

By 9:50 everyone was gathered in the reading area. There were 9 people present for the meeting. Mr. Davis the Co-chair for the group opened the meeting. He briefly explained that I had offered the group meeting space. At that point one of the parents looked over at me and asked me rather bluntly why I was being so generous. I did not particularly like his attitude but I answered anyway.
I looked him in the eye and said, “There are many reasons for this offer. The number one reason is the youth deserve a place to be safe and be themselves. In a way I am offering this space to help make sure that the gay youth of today don’t have to endure the isolation that many of us suffered through. Second.”

At that point the same man interrupted me and said, “So you are gay. I figured as much.”

I looked him with some contempt and said, “Yes I am gay. And this is a way for me to help make it better for this generation of gay youth. If you don’t like that or can’t deal with it that’s your problem not mine.”

With that he got red in the face and looked like he was going to attack me. I did not understand what was going on. This was supposed to be a meeting of the parents of the support group. I had expected that the people who showed up would at least be supportive of their children’s needs. Suddenly Zack stood up and faced the man.

I was shocked to hear him say “Dad for Gods sake shut up and sit down. For once in your life cant you just leave well enough alone. This is important to me. These guys need a place to be safe and be themselves. Looking furious the man sat down. Zack looked devastated and my heart went out to him. I felt Matt trembling as he pushed up against me. I could tell he was scared and I realized that the whole episode must have put him right back in a bad place. Zack’s dad must have reminded him of his own father. I looked down at him my own eyes beginning to tear up as well.

I gave him a hug and whispered “It will be ok honey. I promise.”

Looking up I said “Zack would you please take everyone up and let them see the space. I need to talk to Matt for a few minutes. Ok?”

He nodded weakly and everyone filed out in an embarrassed silence.

I gave Matt a hug and said “Matt there will always be idiots out there. People who don’t care who they hurt or what they say. We can’t control them. But we can control ourselves. The trick is to not let their actions control what we do. That guy probably wanted to make me mad. I can only guess but I believe he was hoping to tick me off so bad I would not let the group use the space. Well that is not going to happen. If they want to use it they can. I know that your father hurt you badly with what he said and did. There is no excuse for his actions. You can’t control any of that. What you can control is what you do with your life. There will be times when you are afraid. When something will remind you of your father. I guess what I am saying Matt is that in the end we are responsible for our own actions. That is it. No one else’s. Your dad made a bad decision. That was his fault not yours. All I can tell you is that you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. I am honored to have you here. I know that guy upset you and made you feel like you were back at you old house again. If it is too much I will understand. You don’t have to go upstairs to the meeting area if you don’t want to. Its up to you.”

Matt’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears but he squared his shoulders and said, “Lets go on up Uncle. If it gets to me to much I will go up to our house.”

I gave him a hug and we went up to the second floor. When we arrived they already had the lights on and were walking through. I could tell they were impressed with the space. I was glad I had turned the radiators on the night before so the area could warm up.
The Co-Chair of the group, Mr. Davis, walked over to me and said “Mr. Brooks let me get this straight we can use this space as long as we make the necessary repairs and pay the electric and water bills?”

I answered and said “That and 100 a month in rent, which I will donate back to the group monthly. I have to do it that way to avoid some legal complications. I don’t think there will be much in the way of repairs. And if you give me receipts for them I will deduct that amount from the rent. The main thing you will have to do is clean this place up. But to protect all of us I must insist that you strictly enforce your meeting guidelines. What I mean is that no drugs, alcohol or weapons are to be in this building. Anyone who is under the influence cannot attend a meeting. And finally that no adult will be alone with the any youth either. I know this sounds paranoid but for this to work we have make sure there is no ammunition given to those who would love to shut this support group down.”

Mr. Davis nodded in agreement and said “Mr. Brooks I can't thank you enough for the offer. We can live with those guidelines. Before you joined us up here we had already agreed that we would love to use the space.”

Shaking his hand I said, “I was hoping this would work out. So I took the liberty of printing the contract up. Here is a copy of it. Why don’t you take it with you and read it over carefully. We can get together in a couple of days to finalize things.”

He looked at Matt and I and said “Thanks again to both of you for sharing this space with us.”

Matt blushed and mumbled “You're welcome.”

Mr. Davis’ smile faded when he looked over to the side classrooms and he said, “Look I am sorry for Mr. Williams' behavior. There is no excuse for it so I won’t try to make any. He has changed so much over the last 6 months. Just know he was not always like this.”

Matt spoke up and said, “What happened to make him like this.”

I could sense that Mr. Davis did not want to go into details.

But before I could say anything Matt said, “He is like my father. He wanted to hurt my Uncle just like my Dad beat me up.”

That’s when I noticed that Zack and his father were in one of the side class rooms talking. It looked to be a very serious conversation and I hoped they were working out some things. Just then Zack and his dad came out of the room.

Zack came up to me and said, “Look Mr. Brooks I am so sorry for how my father acted earlier. Please don’t let his actions overshadow the needs of these guys. If it will help I will resign my membership in the group so you wont have to deal with my dad.”

His father looked mad but also embarrassed and more than a little ashamed. I could see that Zack’s words had finally gotten through to him.

He looked up at me and said “Look Mr. Brooks I… Well. Oh the hell with it I will just say it. I’m sorry ok. I was out of line and I made an ass of myself. Then my pride got in the way and I did not want to back down. Please don’t let my actions cause the group to lose out. I know I have made a fool out of myself but would you accept my apology. I have already apologized to Zack though I am afraid it is going to take a while to overcome the damage I have done.”

He seemed sincere enough and I had to admit that he surprised me by admitting he was in the wrong. Perhaps I had been too quick to lump into some stereotypical role. While he was abrasive I could see that he cared for his son and was truly ashamed of himself. So I held out my hand and said “I am willing to accept your apology but you also owe one to the whole group. I’m leaving that up to you how you go about it. In the mean time if you are really sincere I hope you will be one of the volunteers to come in and help get the place ready for meetings. Actions speak louder than words Mr. Williams so how about it. Will you help out?”

He seemed shocked with my offer, but eagerly accepted. I just hoped my hunch was right. That once he got involved he would be able to make things up to his son and to the group.

© 2001, Joseph Men

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