The Closing
Chapter 5
When I called Matt to breakfast he stumbled in looking very tired. I could tell that he had not slept much last night.
“Matt, honey, when you finish breakfast you need to hurry. We have to leave here in 40 minutes. Traffic will be bad this time of the morning.”
He just nodded and went back to eating. When we finished eating I went downstairs to meet with Zack and go over what needed to be done while I was gone.
Zack had offered to work so I could take Matt to the therapist without having to close the shop. I was very grateful to him. It was funny to watch Matt around Zack. He obviously had a crush on him and he would get all tongue tied when he was around. Zack could see it as well but he was kind and gentle soul and he just kept firm boundaries with Matt. I knew he thought of Matt as a little brother. I was glad that Zack was willing to take that role with him. There would be things he would not be comfortable talking over with me no matter how close we were. Just the difference in roles would ensure that. I had to be the parental figure. The one who was setting the guidelines and boundaries. Zack could be the friend who was closer to his age. He was being a mentor and role model for him just as he did with the youth group.
Matt came downstairs and we left for the appointment. I could tell that Matt was nervous and a little scared. Who wouldn’t be, he was about to talk to a stranger about some of the most painful things in his life. We were lucky it only took about 5 minutes to find a parking place.
He took a deep breath as I unlocked the car doors.
I hesitated and said, “Matt I know this is very hard to do. But it is an important step for you. It’s going to be all right, Mr. Woodlief is very well respected in the gay community. He can help you heal from this, Matt. I will be here for you every step of the way. Don’t ever doubt that.”
He did not say a word just nodded and gave me a quick hug.
His office was on the third floor in the corner. We took the stairs. I watched Matt as we climbed. He looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. I sighed. It was just so unfair. But then the world was rarely fair. I knew that from my own history. I knew that Zack’s dad apologizing and helping out with the preparations for the youth center had hit him hard. It had reinforced the fact that his mother and dad had completely abandoned him. They had not even called me to check on him. It was like he had completely ceased to exist. Now Matt was trying to come to terms with the fact that his prior life was over and he was not going back. I knew what that felt like and I was so sorry that he was being subjected to it. It was almost like I was watching a re run of my experiences all over again. I knew that I was going to have to be careful with this as well. Matt did not need me dumping my baggage into his situation. I decided to try to be more upbeat for Matt when the situation warranted it.
When I got to the landing on the third floor Matt was waiting for me and we went in together. The receptionist looked up and smiled when we came in.
She said, “I hope one of you is Matt.”
Matt just rolled his eyes and said, “He is.”
I looked over at him and shook my head saying, “I don’t think she is going to buy that Matt. I have not looked fourteen in at least three years."
He just giggled at me.
“Madam let me introduce you to this fine young man, he is indeed the Matt in question.”
I took the clipboard with the information sheets from the receptionist who was shaking her head at both Matt and I.
I finished up the information and handed the clipboard back to the receptionist. Then went back and sat down. Several magazines later it was time for Matt's appointment.
A rather thin man with white hair came out to great us. He shook Matts hand. “I’m Dr. Woodlief and you must be Matt?”
“And you must be Mr. Brooks.” he said shaking my hand.
“Matt, your uncle has informed me that you want him to be in our first meeting. Is that correct?”
“Yes Sir.”
“How about we do it this way then. For the first thirty minutes your uncle will be in with us. And for the last thirty minutes just you and I.”
Matt looked at me and then said “Ok.”
We followed him back into his office. It was a very comfortable room and Matt and I sat next to each other on the sofa.
After we took a moment to get settled in he said “So Matt, I understand you have been through a lot of change in the last couple of weeks.”
Matt looked down and said, “Yes sir. My dad beat me up and kicked me out of my house and told me never to come back.”
“Matt, you said your dad beat you up. Did he beat ever beat you up before this?”
“Sometimes.”
“Was alcohol involved when he got abusive?”
“Yes sir.”
“Did it happen often?”
“A couple of times a month.”
When I heard this I was so angry that I could hardly contain myself. From what I was hearing Matt's life had been far worse than I had known. I had figured that his dad was drunk and had lost it when he heard he was gay. Now I realized that this was just part of a pattern. I noticed that as each question drew him closer to why he was kicked out his voice was getting lower and lower and I knew he was close to breaking down.
“Did you or anyone else ever report him to the authorities?”
“No sir.”
“Did your mother know about these beatings?”
“Yes sir, he beat her up to sometimes.”
“Did your mother ever beat you up?”
Matt got a trapped look on his face and looked at me. I put my arm around his shoulder and said “Matt, it's ok, just do your best to answer the questions.”
I felt him shiver and I saw tears begin to fall down his face.
“Yes sir, sometimes she was worse than him when she was drunk.”
I just hugged him as my own tears began to fall.
“How do you mean, Matt?
“She was drunk a lot and she would say mean things to me and hit and kick me. I tried to do things right I really did. But she would get mad anyway and just start cussing at me and hitting me. I would try to get away from her and run to my room. But that would just make her madder. I would keep the door locked till she passed out. Then I would go down and grab something to eat and go back to my room.”
“What happened the night you were kicked out, Matt?”
“My Dad…found out I was Gay.”
“How did he find out?”
“He looked on my computer and found some things.”
“Like what, Matt?”
“Some stories and pictures” Matt said blushing.
“Then what happened?”
Matt was crying harder now and I could hardly hear him as he said, “He… He screamed that I was a fucken faggot to my mom. Then he told me to get my ass upstairs. I was so scared but I knew better than to disobey him. So I went upstairs and he grabbed me and he called me all kinds of bad things. I mean he … said I was a pansy and said all kinds of horrible words to tell me what he thought of me. Then he slapped me and punched me. I begged him to stop but he kept on. Then I fell on the floor and he kicked me said he was going out for a beer. Then he said that if I was not gone when he got back he would show me what he did to fags when he caught them alone. He told me to get out and never come back. After he left mom started in on me as well and told me that I was an ungrateful brat. She told me to leave to. They both hate me and I don’t ever want to see them again!”
Matt was sobbing by now and I just held him close and rocked him.
“Then what happened, Matt?”
“I couldn’t take it anymore, they both hated me. I ran out the front door. I did not even have a coat or anything. It was sleeting and the wind was blowing but I did not care.”
Matt's voice had a far away quality to it now that scared me.
“Matt, what do you mean you did not care?”
“I wanted to die. I headed towards the woods. I was going to just lay down and freeze to death. They say it’s not a bad way to die. You don’t feel much at all.”
“What happened to change your mind.”
“I started to get mad really mad at them. I was not going to give them the satisfaction of just dying. So I walked up the street to my friend's house. His name is David and his dad and mom are really neat. They just accept David and love him. So I figured that maybe they could help me. They were really nice to me and David’s dad talked to my mom and told her off. Then he told her to find me a place to stay that was safe or he would call the police. She must have listened because she called back later and said that my uncle was willing to take me in. That’s how I got here.”
“Ok, guys its time for a break. Then it will be our time Matt. Let’s take a five minute break.”
I hugged Matt and gradually he stopped crying.
I gave him one last hug and got up." I will be in the waiting room Matt. Hang in there you are doing wonderful". He nodded and I left the room as Dr. Woodlief was coming back in.
He stopped and came back into the hallway with me and said, “He is a very strong young man. He has opened right up. That is a good sign.”
I nodded and he walked on past me and entered the room. I sat down and tried to sort out my thoughts about what I had just heard. The things I had just learned made me sick. My own sister was even worse than I had thought. I had no idea she was capable of what I had just heard. I was sickened to know that another generation of my family had abused their children. Both my sister and I had been subjected to the same treatment when we were children. It had caused me to swear off of all drugs and alcohol. I hated what it had done to our family. My sister had fallen into the same deadly trap as our dad. I was just numb inside thinking about it. Now Matt had ended up paying the price for her bad judgment and illness. I did not care what it took or cost. Matt was going to get the help he needed to heal from this. Already several generations of children had paid the price for their parent’s problems. Now more than ever I was determined that Matt was not going to be forced back with his parents. I was glad that Matt had been brave enough to tell what had happened. It was now officially reported to a health professional. I knew that he was obligated to report child abuse by law. I also knew that all hell would break loose when they found out that he had reported them.
All the paperwork had arrived as promised from my sister. I had talked with my attorney about what was the probable outcome of Matt telling what had happened to him. He told me that, based on their past actions, it could get really ugly. I just hoped and prayed that it would turn out ok for him. He needed to feel safe and to know that they would not come on some whim and take him back. All I could do was try and make his environment as safe and loving as possible. The next few months would be critical.
© 2001, Joseph Men