Chapter 5

We all went to the meeting Mark, Dad and I. The place was packed I did not know that there were this many people in the whole town. All through his presentation I kept looking at Matt. What kind of man was he that had taken in so many kids? I knew that he must be a lot like Dave caring and kind. I watched his sons as the presentation went on. They were not bad to look at let me tell you. The one boy was my age and we made eye contact a couple of times during the night.

When it was over I went up to Matt but found myself tongue-tied. I know he must have thought I was crazy always showing up on his side and not saying anything. Finally I got up enough nerve to ask about Dennis and he told me that he did not come this time. I was so disappointed. But I pressed on and asked about his health and how he was doing. Matt seemed to understand that I needed to talk he asked "Joseph do you need to talk about this?"

I nodded. We went out on the pouch steps and he asked me why I wanted to know about Dennis. I told him that I had been recently found out that I was HIV+. I lost it and Matt just held me and let me cry it out. When I finished he asked "Joseph how did you find out about Dennis"

"He was on Oprah and I saw him there. You must be so proud of him that took a lot of guts to do. To go on national TV and talk about something so personal and painful."

"Yes I am Joseph, he is a very strong young man. Do you remember what he talked about on Oprah?"

I answered, "He talked about PMA Positive Mental Attitude."

That’s right Joseph.

Just then Dad came out and asked if I was ok.

I answered, "Yeah dad I am fine."

Dad thanked Matt and we started home.

Dave looked at me and said, "How did it go son?"

Dad he is a neat man I enjoyed talking to him a lot. I am just sorry that Dennis did not come this time he is at college.

I came out of the meeting with Matt feeling better about the situation. I knew that I had a lot of problems ahead but I had family and friends.

Later in March things changed for me again. I had been practicing with Kody on my fielding. He was determined that I was going to make the baseball team with him. We had stayed after school and I was shagging fly balls. I had always been good with my glove and I took pride in being able to catch almost anything. Kody was at home plate hitting fly balls to me. He really connected on this one and I turned and ran back to catch up with it. Looking over my shoulder I was so focused on catching the ball I never saw the fence till it was to late. I felt the ball land in the glove and a split second later I slammed into the fence. I felt my arm break as I hit. Then I just toppled over onto the ground. I must have passed out for a second because my next memory was of Kody holding me in his arms crying. I asked him why are you crying Kody and he said "It’s my fault Joseph I hit that ball to far and you got hurt trying to catch it." Everything was a little hazy but I forced myself to focus and said "Kody! Listen to me it was not your fault; I am the one who did not look. Please don’t cry"

It was like that had taken all my energy because right after that I faded out again. When I woke up I was in the hospital. I was in a private room and the lights were off. But I noticed that there were flowers on the shelf. That confused me and I began to be afraid how long had I been in here? Why was I here? Then I noticed that I could not move my left arm. I looked down and I had a cast from the shoulder to the hand. Then it came back to me I had hurt myself at school. Looking around the room I saw Kody slumped in one chair and my dad in another.

I tried to call out but my throat was so dry it was hard to speak. I swallowed and tried again. Finally I was able to speak and I called out to Dave and Kody "Guys! Wake up please"

Both of them jumped when I called out to them. Dad rushed over to me and kissed me on the head. He was crying and I asked, "What’s the matter dad?"

He answered, "Well son you really hit that fence hard and you broke your arm and should blade. You also had a severe concussion. You have been out for almost 24 hours. I am crying because now I know you are alright and I was so worried."

I tried to raise my right arm to give him a hug but it hurt too much. He noticed and leaned over and gently hugged me. He whispered, "I love you son."

Then he moved over so Kody could come in and give me a hug. I looked him in the eye and said, "Thanks for being there for me Kody."

He blushed and hugged me again. Then smiling he said "Just do me a favor if I hit one that far again just let it go. Then he giggled. I tried to play punch him but I could not reach him. I just looked at him for a moment and said I owe you one for that Kody. Then I could not hold it any longer and I just started laughing to.

About an hour after dad had to leave to take Kody home I heard a knock on the door. I yelled come in and when I looked up I saw Kevin standing there with his mom. They came in and sat down. His mom sat down in the chair and Kevin sat on the bed next to me. They both asked me what had happened and how I was doing. I told them how I had hit the fence and that I was much better now. Kevin’s mother said I am going to get something to drink. You two can talk till I get back. Then with a smile she was gone. Kevin looked at me I could not help noticing how beautiful his eyes were. They were this beautiful shade of green. He was looking at me so seriously. I began to get nervous and asked "What’s wrong Kevin?"

He answered, "I thought I had lost you Joseph. You are my only real friend and while you were unconscious I realized that I like you as more than a friend. It really tore me up when I thought I might lose you."

I blushed and looked away for a second. Then gathering up my courage I looked back at him and said, "Kevin I feel the same way. I have known for a while that I care for you a lot. It’s just that we both have been through a lot and I did not want to ruin a good friendship. I was not going to tell you till I knew you felt the same way."

He just smiled and stroked my hair with his hand. Then he leaned over and asked. Can I kiss you?

Not trusting my voice I nodded.

Leaning in his lips touched mine and I felt like I was going to faint. The kiss only lasted for a couple of seconds but I will remember it for the rest of my life. It was my first kiss with someone I cared for. I started to cry and Kevin alarmed asked, "What’s wrong Joseph?"

I answered "Nothing Kevin I am just so happy. That was my first kiss." He looked puzzled, as he knew my history.

I said, "No silly I mean the first one from someone I care about. It’s the first kiss that was not forced on me. I am crying because you have given me a gift I will remember for the rest of my life."

He looked shocked for a second then he leaned forward and kissed me again. He said "Thanks Joseph I feel the same way." Then he asked, "Would you be my boyfriend?"

My voice was shaking as I said, "Yes I will Kevin"

He smiled down at me and then kissed me again.

I was so lost in his kiss that I did not hear his mother come back in. Then next thing I knew I heard someone clearing their throat. Kevin jumped back and blushed beet red. His mother just laughed at us and said, " I would say get a room but you already have one."

Kevin yelled "Mom!"

Kevin noticed how scared I looked and said "Don’t worry she knows how I feel and is ok with it."

I looked at her for confirmation and she nodded and said "I have known that Kevin was gay for over a year now. I have seen how you two act around each other after every meeting. My only question is what took you two so long to figure it out."

We both blushed and Kevin gently grabbed my hand and held it. It felt so good to know that I finally had someone to love me.

When Dave came back from taking Kody home he walked into the room and saw me holding hands with Kevin. He stopped and looked again then a big smile went across his face. He looked over to Kevin’s mother and she nodded. He came and stood by the bed and said "Son I am so glad you two have finally decided to be honest with each other about how you felt." Then looking over at Kevin he said "Kevin you are welcome to come and visit anytime."

Kevin and I just held hands and while we talked. I kept getting lost in his eyes. I just could not help it. Finally I had someone who loved me. I could see it in his eyes. I was like a man dieing of thirst who found a well. The more I drank in that love the more I wanted. Neither one of us were speaking out loud but we were speaking to each other with our hearts and souls.

I noticed that Dave was speaking to Kevin’s mother. Then they got up and looked at us.

Dad said, "Son it is getting late and you need your rest. So it is time to wrap this up for tonight."

I looked at him and said, "Dad cant they stay a little longer?"

He said, "Ok I will give you a few minutes to say good bye."

I looked at him and at the door.

He laughed and said "We can take a hint, you can have few minutes alone. But only a few you need to rest son."

With that he turned to Kevin’s mother and said "Alice would you like to go get a cup of coffee so that these two can spend a few minutes alone together?"

He was grinning the whole time.

She just laughed and said "Well I don’t know maybe I should stay and keep an eye on things."

We both looked at her in shock.

Then she just laughed and said "Dave did you see the look on their faces? Of course I would love some coffee. I am tired and is a long drive home."

With that they walked out of the room talking.

When they were gone I turned back to look at Kevin, no at my boyfriend. What a wonderful sound that had. My boyfriend!

I looked into his eyes and just drank in the love and acceptance I saw there.

Then he leaned over and kissed me again he was so gentle with me. I knew I could not get too carried away. My head already felt like it was going to split open as it was. Finally I had to pull back and he asked me "What’s wrong Joseph?"

"Its this damn headache from the concussion. I think I need to rest some it is getting worse."

He looked alarmed and asked do you want me to call the nurse.

No not yet Kevin I don’t want to waste these last few minutes we have. Could you just hold my hand while I close my eyes for a while?

He leaned over, kissed me lightly on the lips, and said "Of course."

With that I closed my eyes to rest for a second. When I opened them again it was morning. Dave was sitting the chair by the window. He had a cup of coffee and was reading the paper.

He noticed that I was awake and smiled. He said "Morning sleepy head."

Then he noticed my sad expression and said "Don’t worry Kevin understood that you needed your rest. We were all glad you fell asleep you needed your rest. How are you feeling this morning Joseph?"

I replied, "The headache is much better this morning Dad. But could you shut the curtains the sun is really bothering my eyes."

He looked a little worried but got up and closed them for me. After a while they brought me breakfast. I did not realize how hungry till I saw the food. I wolfed down breakfast and Dad said slow down son. I just grinned and kept eating. When I was finished I said "Wow I was starved that was the first food I have had in over 30 hours."

He laughed and said "I know you were hungry you did not even complain about the hospital food."

I laughed, "yeah I did not even taste it I ate it so fast."

Dave said, "They should be in soon to take you for some test Joseph."

What kind I asked?

"They are doing a CAT scan and an EEG to make sure that everything is ok from the concussion."

I asked "Dad when can I go home."

He answered, "I don’t know son that depends on what the test show."

A few minutes later they came in an unlocked the wheels on my hospital bed. As they wheeled me away I smiled and waved at Dad. He just laughed at my expression and shook his head. The test took about 2 hours. I had the CAT scan first and that was an ok test. The EEG however was a real pain in the butt. They put these patches all over my head. They glued them on with some kind of gel and it felt yucky. When they finally finished the testing they wheeled me back to my room. By this time my headache was back full force. I rang the nurse and ask for some pain medication. However she told me that I had to wait till I saw the doctor to take anything, as he had to examine me first.

I was not in a good mood by then and it seemed like it took forever for him to get to see me. When he came in I was having trouble focusing because of the pain. He checked my eyes with the flashlight it made my head feel like it was going to explode. Then he tested my reflexes, read the chart, and made a few notations. Then he looked up at Dad and I and said, "I think that Joseph needs to stay in for another day till we can get these headaches under control."

I was so disappointed but the thought of getting the headaches under control made it seem almost attractive.

Dad looked concerned and asked, " What’s wrong doctor?"

He replied, " Relax Mr. Eggman these type of headaches are not uncommon with severe concussions like you son had. They usually fade with time. I wish I could tell you how long but it varies with each person. What we can do is figure out which medication and what level will be helpful for your son."

By this time I was pissed and I know Dad knew I was. He looked at me, shook his head, and said "Doctor I would appreciate it if you would talk with my son instead of around him like he is not here. Believe me he has had to wrestle with real life and death issues already in his life. I know that his chart shows his HIV status. I don’t know about in your family. But in ours we make decisions together. He is the one in pain and the one that you should be talking to."

At first I thought the doctor was going to blow a fuse. But then he calmed down and smiled and said, "I guess I deserved that. Joseph I am sorry that I just ignored you and treated you like a small child. Do you have any questions or anything that I can clarify for you?"

Nodding I asked, "How long do these headaches usually last Doctor?"

"They can last anywhere from a couple of days to a few months."

I winched when he said that but there was nothing I could do about it. He also told me to avoid bright sunlight and to take things easy for the next week or so. I was also told to avoid any contact sports and strenuous exercise.

After the Doctor had left the nurse brought me the pain medication. I took the pills and lay down in the darkened room. After a few minutes the medication began to take effect. I don’t know what it was but it sure made me feel better. It also made me real sleepy and soon I drifted off. When I woke up it was morning and I felt much better. By the end of the day I was feeling almost human again.

That afternoon the Doctor came back in to exam me. When he was finished he smiled at me and said "Joseph I have good news you can leave this afternoon. However I want you to avoid bright sunlight and continue to rest and no exercise at all for the next week. At the end of the week you will come back in and we will exam you again."

Dad smiled at the news and said, "That is great news Doctor Webster."

Dr. Webster just smiled at us and left the room.

I looked at Dave and said, "I am so glad to get out of here. I am so sleepy you know they must have some unwritten rule about sleep in hospitals. I don’t think they have let me sleep through the night once. If I stayed in here much longer I would get sick from lack of sleep."

Dad just laughed at me and went to get me something to wear home.

When he returned he had my new coat to wear home. I could not get a shirt over the cast so that was all he could do. He draped the coat over my shoulders and helped me get into my sweat pants and socks. Then he put my shoes on for me and tied them. By the time he finished I was beginning to realize how much of a pain this cast was going to be. I had taken for granted the ability to do simple things for myself like putting on clothes and tying my shoes. Now for a while I was going to have to depend on someone else. That did not set well with me but I knew it was only temporary. In that I was lucky some people were injured and never got to do those things for themselves again.

I could not wait to get home and tell Kody about Kevin being my boyfriend. I smiled at that thought. The drive home was filled with talk about what we were going to do to about schoolwork and catching up on lost assignments. The doctor did not want me reading or doing any work till the end of the week. That meant that I was going to have to work over the weekend on catching up. It also meant that I was going to have to have someone take notes for me. Even though I could write with either hand I would be allowed to have someone take the notes for me so I could keep up. I could write with either hand but was a lot slower left-handed.

When we got home Mark was waiting at the door along with Kody. They helped me get settled on the couch and then we had lunch. Mark had prepared a great lunch we had an oriental chicken salad. It had several kinds of salad in it pineapple, grilled chicken as usual I was starved. After I had thanked Mark for lunch Kody and I went up to my room. He looked at me and said, "Ok spill it Joseph. You look like the cat that ate the canary."

I blushed and looked down and said, "You remember Kevin that I told you about? Well he and his mother came to visit me at the hospital after you left. Did I tell you how beautiful his eyes are Kody?" With that I got this dreamy look on my face and sort of zoned out remembering those beautiful eyes.

Kody laughed and said, "Boy do you have it bad Joseph. Does he know how you feel?"

"That is what I was trying to tell you Kody he came and visited me. Then his mother left to get a cup of coffee. While she was gone he kissed me and told me that he really cared for me a lot and realized that he did not want to lose me. Then he kissed me! I told him I cared for him as well and he asked me to be his boyfriend."

Kody looked at me and said "Well what did you say Joseph as if I did not know."

I blushed and said, "I kissed him back and told him that I would love to be his boyfriend."

Kody hugged me and said, "I am so glad you have finally found someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved." Then I saw a look of pain in his eyes as he remembered what had happened to him with (Andy). I reached up with my good hand and touched his cheek saying, "Kody I know you will find someone to love you as well. You are one of the best people I have ever known. I know that you will find someone it will be worth the wait trust me. I used to think I would never find anyone and now look. The same thing will happen with you I know it!"

He smiled at me and said "Thanks Joseph you are the best friend I have ever had."

I blushed and said "No you are."

He looked surprised and then hugged me and said, "We could debate that and we will later but for right now you need to get some rest."

He left and when he came back he had a glass of water and my pills. I sighed, took the pills, and drank the water. Then he told me to rest and left the room. I drifted off to sleep thinking what a great friend he was.

When I woke up again it was night and dad was shaking my shoulder saying "Wake up Joseph its time to eat something."

As I woke up he helped me to sit up and put a tray by the side of the bed. I slowly woke up enough to start eating. Dad stayed with me and we talked over what was going to happen tomorrow. He was going to stay home and take care of me in the day. Then Kody was going to come over in the afternoon and help out as well after school. He was also going to bring home my school books and assignments for the week. Dad made sure that I understood not to try working on any of it till the following weekend. I had hurt myself on Thursday and today was Sunday. So I had a full week of boredom ahead of me. He told me that Mark was going to be out of town till mid week then he was going to be helping as well with my care.

Then he smiled at me and said "Oh I forgot to mention Kevin is coming over after school as well and staying for dinner."

I looked at him and yelled, "Yes! Thanks Dad."

He just laughed and said, "I thought that would meet with your approval."

After I had finished eating I took my medication and he helped me get situated in bed. Then he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and said good night son, I love you."

"I love you to dad."

© 2001, Joseph Men

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