Chapter 13

After a while we had to head in, it was too cold to stay still for any length of time. So we headed over to the hospital cafeteria for the remainder of the visit. Mostly we talked about that he wanted to do when he was released from the hospital. There was defiantly a change in Matt. He seemed more connected with us. I mean that he was not as withdrawn and now that there was no big secret to hide the wall was beginning to come down. It would not come down overnight and I was sure there would be other difficulties to face. But Matt had found his way again.

When our time was up Matt and I went back up to his room so we could say goodbye.

I hugged him and said “Matt hon I will be back tonight with Zack. Can I bring you anything?”

With a giggle he said, “Yeah a file.”

Worried I looked up at him but then I saw the mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Gotcha didn’t I”

I just rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“But seriously Uncle could you bring me “The Hobbit” I had just started it when all this happened.”

“Sure I’ll bring it back with me tonight.”

“Thanks”

I grinned and said “Don’t worry I am planning on bringing you dinner from Sally’s place. She is going to send something special for me to bring back for you.”

His eyes lit up and he said “Tell her thanks for me. I really appreciated her coming to see me today.”

He was so used to being neglected or worse that he could hardly believe it when people followed through and did nice things for him. It was not an attitude that would change overnight. It was going to take a long time with consistent effort on my part. I had to be careful to follow though with things as much as possible. I was not perfect and I knew I would make mistakes but I was going to be there for him.

I gave him one more hug and then it was time for me to go. He walked with me back to the common room. This time the tears and pleadings were missing. He knew he was making progress and that he would be out in a couple of days.

Sally was waiting for me at the McDonalds when I got back downstairs.

We started back to the car and she said “Joe I expected to find him in much worse shape emotionally.”

“Me to Sally. When I left him last night he was hysterical. But in the mean time he started his medication and he went through some group sessions. He told me that he really got to thinking about things when he heard so many horror stories from the other kids. He found some perspective. There were kids in his group from as bad or worse situations with nowhere to go. He realized that the depression was driving his thinking. That was a big step for him. I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of him. He came completely clean with me even though he was worried about my reaction. That was a very brave thing to do. All his past experience told him that it was better to lie or not tell the whole truth. He had already lost his home because someone could not handle the truth about him being gay. He is such a strong young man.”

Sally nodded and said, “Yes he is. I don’t know if you have any idea how much he worships you. He would do almost anything to keep from disappointing you. I think that is a double-edged sword though. You have to be careful not to put to much pressure on him; he is trying very hard to live up to your trust in him. You will have to be careful that he does not set up unrealistic expectations for himself. He is 14 years old after all he is going to go through all the normal stuff for his age. He will need room to be himself not just what he thinks you want him to be.”

I stopped walking and just looked at her for a moment. What she had said was very profound.

She turned towards me and said, “What’s wrong Joe?”

“Nothing Sally I was thinking about what you just said. It was very important.”

She looked at me for a second and said, “Joe don’t worry you are doing fine. You have handled this much better than I would ever have. Matt is going to be fine I am sure of it.”

“I know he will.”

Sally had tears in her eyes as she pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for bringing me today and allowing me to be part of Matt’s and your life.”

“Thank you Sally for all of your help with Matt.”

“Joe how about swinging by my place about 6:30 PM to pick up Matt’s dinner?”

“That sounds fine Sally.”

“What are you going to fix him?”

“I thought I would send him chicken with rice and mushroom gravy. I know he likes it and since you gave me the recipe I have put it on the menu at the restaurant. It is rather popular. So I will send enough that all three of you can have dinner. And for desert I am going to send some peach cobbler.”

“Thanks Sally I know Matt will enjoy it for sure.”

“Your welcome Joe.”

After I dropped off Sally I went back to the shop and did some paperwork. When it was time to close I went down and helped Zack. We were finished by 6:15 PM. Then we went over to Sally’s and picked up dinner. I gave her a quick hug and we headed to the hospital. Zack and I were at the hospital by 6:45 PM. As before I left Zack at the McDonalds and went up to sign out Matt. He was waiting for me in the main area and we headed back down to visit with Zack. When he saw us Zack came and met us in the hallway. They hugged and we started towards the cafeteria. When we had found a seat I unpacked the food we sat down for a nice dinner.

Ever since the hallway Zack and Matt had been deep in conversation. I just sat back and let Matt his time with Zack. He thought of Zack as an older brother now. That made Zack’s opinion very important. He needed to be reassured that Zack was there for him as well. I did not have any worries about that. Zack was a great young man. The conversation slowed as we were eating. The food was excellent and it did not take Matt or Zack long to finish it off.

When we had finished dinner Matt turned and asked me, “Uncle is it ok if Zack and I go for a little walk. We won’t be gone long I promise.”

“Sure Matt.”

“Thanks Uncle.”

I watched them walk off and I picked up the trash and cleaned up the table some. It was about 10 minutes later when they showed back up. They had gone to the gift shop.

Matt was all excited when he came back to the table. He said “Zack has invited me to go with him and his boyfriend to a concert at the coliseum next week. “Matchbook 20” is playing. Can I go?”

I smiled and said “I don’t see why not Matt. As long as you are doing ok I think it would be fine.”

“Thanks Uncle!

“What night is the concert?”

“Zack smiled and said, “It is next Friday and it starts at 8:00 PM.”

“Well that should be fine. I can close by myself so you all can go have dinner and get there in time.”

“Thanks Mr. Brooks.”

“Thanks Uncle.”

“Your both welcome.”

I glanced at my watch and said “I hate to say it but it is time for you to go back up Matt.”

For a moment I thought he was going to protest but he just shrugged his shoulders and said “Ok”

He said his goodbyes to Zack and gave him a quick hug. As we were walking back to his floor he turned and said “Uncle thanks for bringing Zack to see me.”

“Your welcome Matt.”

“They said if things continue to go well I might be out of here day after tomorrow! I cant wait to get out of here. There is no privacy at all it really sucks.”

“I know Matt. Just hang in there you will be home soon.”

We hugged and I signed him back in. I watched as the guard buzzed him through. When I got back downstairs Zack handed me a coke and said “Listen Mr. Brooks I know I should have cleared the concert with you first but it just came to me while Matt and I were walking to the gift shop. I hope you don’t mind. I just figured that he needed to get out and take his mind off of things.”

“No its fine Zack and I do appreciate it. He is very excited about going. This will be his first concert.”

Zack smiled and said “That’s kool. And don’t worry we will makes sure that he is safe.”

“I know you will. I trust you Zack.”

He gave me a grateful look and said “I just want you to know how much I appreciate all you have done for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you gave me a job when you did not really even need the help. Then you have been there when I needed to talk. You have given me time off to deal with my dad. It means a lot to me Mr. Brooks.”

“I have not done all that much Zack. And you do the same for me. You have filled in numerous times for me. And I appreciate it as well. You have been a godsend to me and to Matt. I just want you to know how much I appreciate all that you have done for Matt and all the extra effort you have put in at work. I have not been able to pay you all that much but you have continued to be there when I needed you. You have taken Matt under your wing. He really looks up to you. You have become his big brother. He really needed someone closer to his age to be able to talk to. I am so glad you are there for him. There are a lot of guys who would have taken advantage of the situation. But I have never worried about that with you. You are someone I trust completely. What’s more so does Matt. There are things that he will feel a lot more comfortable talking to you about. I am just glad that he has someone I trust to answer those questions.”

He looked embarrassed and said “Look Mr. Brooks I am just trying to be there for him. He has had it rough and I am trying to help him out. You don’t have to thank me for that. He is a good kid and it is kind of neat having a kid brother.”

“Don’t worry I wont embarrass you any more Zack. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate all that you have done and to ask you to please be careful with all that you have going on in your life. Be careful to leave time for yourself. You are worrying about everyone but yourself. If you don’t take time out for yourself you will overload. Believe me I know. Been there done that.”

“I know Mr. Brooks. My therapist has said the same thing to me. But there are some things that are worth the commitment and this is one of them. He is a good kid and I want to be there for him.”

“Thanks Zack.”

When we exited the hospital I noticed that the sky had cleared. It was one of those nights where its so crisp and still it looks like you could reach up and touch the stars. I had always liked nights like this. Of course that depended on being able to go inside and get warm when I was finished with enjoying the cold.

The drive home was quite. I think I had embarrassed Zack with my praise but it was sincere. He was a great young man and I was proud to know him.

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© Joseph Men 2004