Chapter 14
The apartment was so quite without Matt. It just felt empty. I fixed myself a cup of coffee and did some paperwork then headed to bed. The next thing I knew my alarm was going off. The morning went smoothly and soon it was time to head to the hospital. I had an appointment with Matt’s doctor before normal visiting hours. He wanted to update me on Matt’s progress and set a discharge date. I had not told Matt about this visit, as I did not want to get his hopes up. But he had already told me that he expected to discharge him this evening if things went well today. I was planning to surprise him this evening if it was a go.
When I arrived at the hospital I was sent to the Doctors office in the atrium. It was only a few minutes before I was called back into his office. When we were seated had went over the medication and how important it would be for Matt to stay on it and be very strict about taking it at the same time every day. He told me that he was very impressed with Matt and that he felt that he was ready to go home.
I asked “Then it is a go for tonight?”
“Actually you can take him home with you this afternoon.” He said with a smile.
“That’s great news! I can’t wait to tell him.”
“Well I will send for him and you can tell him here.”
He picked up the phone and made a phone call asking for Matt to be brought to his office. I was so excited that I fidgeted like a small child before opening his presents.
It took about 10 minutes for him to be brought to us. When he walked in the room he spotted me and smiled but I could tell he was confused.
Dr. Watson turned to him and said “Matt do you think you have made progress while you have been here?”
“Yes sir.”
“Do you feel that you are ready to go home? And follow through on you medication and to talk to your Uncle or a crisis counselor if you feel like the urges are getting too strong for you? Will you commit to do your best to keep the promises you have made?”
“Yes sir.”
“Well then I guess its time for you to go home son.”
He looked shocked for a moment then he ran to me and gave me a hug and said, “Can I really go home right now?”
Dr. Watson said “Yeah as soon as your Uncle fills out some paperwork. Why don’t you go back to your room and get your things packed up. It will take us about 15 minutes to get finished up.”
“Ok. I will be waiting for you Uncle.”
Matt went back up to his room to gather his stuff. He seemed like a different kid. The smile on his face was a welcome sight.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes Matt.” I said smiling.
It did not take long for me to sign the discharge paperwork and get his prescription from the hospital pharmacy. Then I went back up to his room and found him setting on his bed looking pensive.
“What’s wrong Matt?”
“Nothing I was just thinking
about all the stuff that happened for me to end up here. It has been a long time
since I have felt really good. I was just thinking that I hope the medication
will help me to fell good again.”
He seemed close to tears.
I gave him a hug and said “Lets blow this joint.” In the corniest accent I could muster.”
He rolled his eyes at me and grinned.
The initial ordeal was over. But this next phase was not going to be easy. He was going to have to learn different ways of coping with stress. I knew from personal experience that it was not easy to overcome learned behaviors. They tended to be automatic responses that had allowed us to cope. They were the best we had when we were in the situation. But in the end they were self-destructive. They included habits such as being passive aggressive and turning everything inward or Self-mutilation where you caused pain just so you can feel after shutting everything off to keep yourself “safe”. Of course these habits were things we developed as children and they did not work for long, as we grew older we tended to be stuck in the same patterns that allowed us to survive. Matt would have to learn how to take that anger and hurt and let it out in more constructive ways. What had happened to him was not his fault. But he had to live with the consequences of it. That was not fair. But it was the cold hard truth. Those who emotionally, physically, or sexually abuse children leave scars that take years to heal. They take something away that is not replaceable. A child that has grown up in that type of situation will never look at the world the same again. They can heal and move on but there is a difference in their eyes. They have been hurt in a way that they are not prepared to understand or expect. It can leave you with the inability to trust, to hate the feel of someone touching you. So seemingly simple human interactions take on a layer of complication that others who have not been in that situation cannot understand. They begin to judge from that misunderstanding. Even those who try to help tend to treat you like someone who is going to fall apart or explode at any time, when what was really needed was to treat each person as a unique individual not as a statistic.
Matt was a strong young man who had been through a lot; he had a lot going for him.
As we were leaving one of the nurses came up to us to say goodbye and Matt gave him a hug.
When we were off the floor he visibly relaxed and in a low voice said “God I am glad to be out of there.”
As the door shut behind him he shook his head and said “I hope I am never on the other side of that door again.”
I smiled and said, “I am so proud of the progress that you made in there Matt. They told me that you really tried while you were in hospital. Most kids would have pouted and just did the minimum to get by but they told me that you really did make the effort. That was very mature of you Matt.”
He looked up at me and I could tell he was a little embarrassed and he said “Thanks Uncle.”
“Your welcome Matt. I really mean it I am proud of you. You faced up to the fact that you had a problem and took steps to help yourself get better. That is something that very few people accomplish. Most just spend their lives rationalizing away their problems. You asked me once how come one person overcomes his past and another does not. Well you have your answer. You have taken the most important step already. You are taking steps to take control of your life.”
Matt looked at me I could tell he was taking in what I had said.
I smiled at him and said “How about we go and get some ice cream at Sally’s?”
He grinned and nodded.
I picked his gym bag up and we headed to the car.
When we arrived at Sally’s we both ordered chocolate milkshakes. She had the best ones in town. At least Matt and I thought so.
As we were finishing up I asked “Matt what you like to do for the rest of the day?”
“I don’t know Uncle. I just want to enjoy being free again. Do you think we could go down by the river and walk in the park?”
“I don’t see why not Matt we can swing by our place and get our heaver coats. That sounds like a great idea.”
We went by the house and then headed to the park. It was about a 5-minute walk from the bookstore. Several years ago they had established a park along the riverfront in town. There were restaurants and stores as well as paths and benches. We decided to walk the section that had some of the old locks that dated back to just after the birth of our nation. We stopped at several stations were you could read about the history of the city. I could tell Matt was enjoying himself he loved history and we were lucky enough to live where a great deal of the early history of the U.S. played out. You could see him relax as we just took our time and walked. You never appreciate the simple things till they are taken from you. Matt understood that now.
We walked for about an hour and headed back to the store. When we got back up stairs Matt headed straight to the computer to message all of his friends. He said he was suffering from severe computer withdrawal and needed a fix. I just laughed at him.
I headed into the kitchen to make some coffee and read the paper. But I could not get Matt situation out of my head. There was a long tough road ahead for him and I prayed that he would find the peace that he so deserved. At least I could be there for him and give him the benefit of my experiences. So he could see the mistakes that I had made along the way and hopefully avoid some of them. I heard the stereo come on and Matchbox 20 come on. Matt was fond of them and much to his surprise so did I.
The phone rang it was Zack things were busy and he wanted to know if I come down and help for a while.
I told Matt if he needed me I would be in the store and headed down.
© Joseph Men 2004