Chapter 27
I was kind of disappointed that Matt and Timmy would not be riding with me but I knew that they had their own lives to live.
David had called and last night and said he would be there waiting for me when I got to school. He made it sound like he just wanted to hang with me but I knew that he was keeping an eye on me.
Of course there was an upside to David being around. I knew that no one would bother me while he was around.
It was really nice of him to take the time to make sure I was ok. I still did not understand why they had let me into their group but I was glad they had. It felt so good to have friends who I could talk to and trust.
When I got to school David was at the front waiting for me. He smiled when he saw me and walked down and said, “Hi Mrs. Simons. How are you doing?”
“Mom was looking at him a little suspiciously so I said, “Mom this is David he is the guy that I told you about.”
Mom warmed up right away and said, “Thanks for the card it really meant a lot to Josh.”
Now it was David’s turn to blush he looked up at mom and said, “We just wanted him to know that we missed him that’s all.”
“Well it worked, it meant a lot to him.”
“Mom! I am here you know.”
David laughed and said, “Let me check.”
He turned me around and said, “Yeah he is here alright.”
Now it was me blushing. If anyone else did that to me I would be mad. But when David did it I just felt that he was having fun with me. I did not feel threatened or like he was putting me down.”
Mom noticed that I had a silly grin on my face, just smiled and said, “David I think you are right, he is here.”
I rolled my eyes at them and shook my head, which got a laugh from both of them.
Mom got back in the car and drove off.
I watched her turn the corner and turned to David and said, “David can I ask you something kind of personal?”
“As long as it is not too personal sure.”
“How come you…”
“Its ok Josh just ask I won’t get mad.”
I was not sure how to ask the question. So I just blurted it out, “You are so rough on the outside and most people like that are really put off by someone like me.”
I looked up at his face to see how he was taking what I said.
I could tell that he was thinking. He hesitated for a moment and said, “Josh its kind of a long story. But the thing that you should keep in mind is that you have to be your own person. You will never be happy if you go through life acting how you think people want you to. There will always be people who do not like something about you. How big or small you are. How tall or short or gay or straight it will always be something. What we all have to do in our lives is to find ourselves, and be true to who we really are.
That is what I admire so much about you. You are yourself, even if it brings you grief. Don’t get me wrong it should not. That first day when you came to our table you showed me that you had guts. I don’t have to worry that much, because of my rough exterior most people find me intimidating, so they don’t bother me.
You, on the other hand, are not intimidating.” He smiled to take any sting out of what he was saying.
“So when you showed up and sat at our table it took real courage. I know you catch all kinds of grief because you are not as “butch” as society or even some in the gay community thinks you should be. But guess what, that is their problem, not yours. So please promise me that you won’t let them win Josh. Be yourself.”
He paused and smiled and said, “Besides it will drive them up the wall.”
I giggled and he laughed.
“Now come on if we don’t hurry we are going to be late.”
He walked with me to the main hall and then headed to his class.
It still freaked me out that people were being nice to me, and wanting to be my friend. Dr. Woodlief said that I had to learn to trust again. I knew he was right but it was not going to be easy to do.
When it was lunchtime I went through the line and grabbed some fruit and milk. After I had paid I headed to the “gay table.” Matt and Timmy were already there. In a few minutes the whole group was there.
Matt asked me, “How are things going today Josh?”
“Fine. I am still getting a few questions about how I am doing but nothing real negative.”
Grinning I said, “I did hear a few comments on my orientation but that is normal. Of course that is not the word they used. But I doubt that they could pronounce or say anything with more than 2 syllables.”
David had looked ready to kill till I said that then he just grinned and shook his head.
But then he turned serious again and said, “Josh just promise me that if anyone gets out of line you will tell us.”
“Ok I will.”
“I mean it.”
I blushed and said, “Don’t worry David I will.”
He nodded and went back to eating.
Matt turned to me and quietly said, “Who was it?”
“Just some idiots from my 2nd study hall. There are two girls in there who don’t seem to like screaming fags like me. Seems I am disgusting to them.”
The shocked looks around the table were enough to make me laugh. After a second or two most joined me. I took some ribbing for the rest of lunch but I did not mind it showed that they thought of me as part of the group.
I don’t know what came over me at lunch. Before I might have thought what I said but would never have had nerve enough to say it out loud. Now it just seemed natural to me.
David was not totally convinced about my ignoring it but I could not go reporting every comment someone made to me. If it got worse then I would report them. To tell you the truth they did not seem that important to me anymore. Between talking with Dr. Woodlief and the guys in the support group I had come to realize that my feelings of self worth could not be tied up in what others thought. It was true that words could hurt or damage you but I was willing to let the occasional comment slide.
When lunch was over David walked with me as both of us had a class in the same area.
While we were walking he said, “Josh?”
“Yeah.”
“Just make sure that you report them if things get worse. Ok?”
“I will. It’s just that I don’t want to be running to the principle every time someone says something. That would only make things worse for me. If things get worse I promise I will report it.”
He nodded and said, “Ok, take care I will catch you later this afternoon.”
He headed to his class and I did the same. When I got there something interesting happened. The same two girls were sitting at the back and when I passed them they made a couple of comments.
But this time another girl turned to them and said, “Get a life Debbie. All I ever hear out of you is fag this fag that. Leave the kid alone. He does not need you acting like an ass around him.” Then she smiled at me and turned her back to Debbie.”
You could have heard a pin drop. There had been the usual noise as people came in and settled down at their desks and greeting their friends. When she said that Debbie looked like she was going to explode. It sort of reminded me of Violet girl from the “Willie Wonka” movie, the one who blows up like a giant blueberry and gets so big she has to be squeezed. By the time she had thought of something to say to the other girl she had her back turned and it was obvious that she did not care what Debbie had to say. It was priceless to watch. I snickered and went to my desk and made a mental note to find out the girl’s name. She had stood up for me and she did not even know me. It seemed to be happening more and more. All my life I had been the kid teased and tormented and I had leaned to shut people out. Now I was learning that if I did that they won. Now something had changed. Or maybe I was just realizing that not everyone was after me.
All through study hall I was lost in thought. It was a good thing that I had finished my homework in the first study hall. All I was trying to do in this one was read a book so I could do a report on it. But I kept looking up at the girl who told off Debbie. What made her do it? I mean she could have just kept quiet like everyone else did. But she did not. Matt and David had been that way as well. They did not keep quiet they had stood up for me. It was really making me think. I was going to have to talk to Dr. Woodlief about this tomorrow. I know he would be glad to hear that things were going well at school so far.
When the study hall was over I walked over to her seat and quietly said, “Hi. My name is Josh and I wanted to thank you for what you did.”
She looked startled, as she had not noticed me approaching.
She noticed my hesitation and said, “My name is Dawn, and your welcome Josh. Don’t pay any attention to her. She comes by her attitude naturally her whole family is that way. They are not happy unless they have someone to kick.”
She paused and said, “So is it true?”
“What?”
“That you are gay.”
I laughed and said, “Well what do you think.”
Then I realized that she was serious. I had never seen her in my lunch so she must have the later lunch.
So I changed my tone. She deserved an honest answer after standing up for me. It made me nervous she was the first person who had come out and ask me. Most people just assumed I was. It was kind of neat that she was not letting other peoples assumptions and how I acted make her jump to conclusions. So I took a deep breath and looked her right in the eye and said, “Yeah I am as a matter of fact.”
She grinned and said, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
I blushed and said, “Not yet.”
“Would you like to hang out sometime? I mean as friends.”
“Sure”
Then she gathered up her stuff and said, “I have to run don’t want to be late for my next class. You take care Josh. I will see you tomorrow.”
I shook my head. What had just happened? I felt like I had passed some test and I did not even know what it was. But it looked like I had a new friend. I gathered up my stuff and hurried out into the hall.
I saw David leaving his class and I walked up to him and said, “You won’t believe what happened in study hall.
For a second he looked worried then he realized I was not upset and he said, “Ok I give up. What happened?”
Well Debbie started in on me again but before I even got to my seat another girl told her off and told her to leave me alone. Then she turned her back on Debbie, like she could care less what Debbie might have to say. I thought that Debbie was going to explode she was so mad. When I told him how she reminded me of the girl from the movie he laughed so hard he almost doubled over.
When he finally caught he breath he said, “Josh you are going to be the death of me yet.”
And he started laughing again. When he finally settled down he said, “Thanks man I needed a good laugh.”
I giggled and said, “Well I can’t help it. That is what she reminded me of.”
He looked at me and said, “I think we have created a monster here.”
I stuck my tongue out at him. And said, “There is more.”
“What.”
“She asked me to be her friend.”
“Boy you move fast my friend.” He shook his head and said, “You take care and I will see you tomorrow.”
I watched him walk down the hallway and then I headed to my next class.
When mom picked me up we went to the grocery store. With all the diet restrictions and the problem with my teeth it had been a long while since I had been able to just eat and not worry about it. The first couple of days after the new teeth were put in they had been kind of sore now they felt almost normal. So tonight was going to be a special dinner for the two of us. We were going to have steak, potatoes, and asparagus. I was really looking forward to it.
When we finally settled down for supper I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. It sort of made me realized how much we take for granted. I had never given it any thought but even simple things like eating or being able to walk without pain become special when they are taken away from you.
When we finished I thanked mom and gave her a hug. She got a little teary eyed and so did I. To me the meal was more than just a celebration. It was marked my life beginning to return to normal. But this time there was no big secret to hide.
© Joseph Men 2005