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Chapter 36

Robert’s house was a two story, with a basketball hoop over the garage, and toys scattered across the driveway. It was in a middle class neighborhood about 15 minutes from my store.

There was nothing to make it stand out from all the others just like it along the street. When we parked in front of the house a woman came to the door and said, “You can have his clothes but that’s all. You’re lucky that my husband agreed to this or he would get nothing. I will talk with him tonight and we will decide what to do about the papers.

Robert you can go in and get your things. They are not welcomed in my house.”

“But mom!”

“Just get your things and get out of here. You knew what would happen if you chose this lifestyle. The church has made it plain enough. As far as I am concerned you have no one to blame but yourself. Now go get your clothes before I change my mind.”

Her words were harsh, but I thought that I heard some regret in her voice as well. The results were the same but at least there might be some hope for the future.

Robert was inside for about 10 minutes and it seemed like an eternity. His mother never took her eyes off of us the entire time.

Sally and I conversed in low tones but his mother never said a word to us.

I could see that Sally was furious with Robert’s mother. Sally had been there for her son and tried to supportive of him and he had been murdered. This woman was freely giving up her son and it was tearing Sally up inside. She would have done anything to have her son back and this woman was tossing hers out like a worthless piece of trash.

Finally Robert came out of the house with two large garbage bags of clothes. His mother made him stop and made sure that he only had his clothes. I could tell that just humiliated him and it was all I could to not tell her that she was too late. I was so glad that he had taken what he wanted this morning.

He brought the bags to my car and we put them in the trunk, and carefully closed it as it was over full.

Fighting back tears he turned towards his mother and said, “Goodbye mom.”

She hesitated then turned without saying anything and shut the door. Robert leaned back against the car.

There was no effort to hide the tears as he cried in silence. I knew that there were no words that would make his pain go away only time and understanding would ease the pain. I gave him some time before I gently called his name, “Robert. We need to head out. I don’t think it would be a good idea to be here when your dad gets home. So let’s get your things over to your new place.”

Sally turned to him and said, “After you get settled in I want you to take the rest of today to just relax. You have been under a lot of stress and you need to just chill for a while. Tomorrow you will be riding to and from school with Joseph.

You are welcome to just spend the rest of the day watching TV and when you get hungry just come downstairs and we will get you something to eat.”

He just nodded. I was sure he was completely emotionally overloaded right then. I know that I had been. There were going to be some rough times for him till he was able to come to terms with what had happened.

Sally and I had already talked about getting him to see a therapist. If he would start the process now instead of bottling it all up it would make things easier for him in the long run.

The drive back to Sally’s was made in silence. When we arrived at Sally’s I helped him take his things upstairs then I left him to unpack, and begin to make it his room.

Then I headed back to my place to get caught up.

It was around 6:30 PM when I received a phone call from Sally. Robert’s parents had agreed to sign the paperwork. Apparently Sally’s threat to force the issue had worked. They were going to sign the paperwork at my lawyers in the morning. Kevin had agreed to come in early and meet them. Sally, Robert and his parents were all going to be there. Kevin had drawn up all the necessary documents to protect Sally and Robert as well. Sally was very relieved as this put her in a much safer legal position.

With the change of plans Sally would be dropping Robert off at school after the paperwork was signed.

Later that night I called over to Sally’s to check on Robert. I waited till the restaurant was closed and called her on her private line.

She answered and said, “Joseph thanks for calling. He is doing fairly well considering what he has been through. He came down and sat in one of the booths for a while. After he finished eating he read for a while then he helped me close up. I had wanted him to take it easy but he said he would rather be doing something. Anyway he is in the shower now. Do you want him to call you when he gets out?”

“No that ok. Just tell him I called and that if he wants to talk I am here.”

“Ok I will let him know.”

I knew this was going to be really tough on her so I asked, “Sally how are you holding up?”

“I’m doing ok Joseph. It does feel strange to have someone else in the house again. But it’s a good problem and I really feel like I am doing something I need to do as much for me as for him.

You were right Joseph there is more to life than just existing.”

When I went upstairs after closing Matt was waiting at the kitchen table for me. He had made coffee and poured me a cup.

“Here you go uncle.”

“Thanks Matt I could use a cup right now it has been a long stressful day.”

Matt sat down at the table and said, “Uncle. Do you think Robert is going to be ok?”

“Yeah I think he will make it Matt. We both did, and I think he will as well. It will be up and down for a while but he has some good support.”

“How is Sally doing?”

“She is doing ok. They will both have to adjust to each other but after talking with her tonight I really think it is going to be good for her.”

He smiled and said, “Good!”

I hesitated for a second not sure if I should bring it up or not but decided it was best. So I said, “Matt hon I want to tell you how proud of you I am. You have really made a lot of progress. It took a lot of maturity to come to me and let me know that you were reaching your limit. Don’t ever be afraid to say I need to stop.”

He blushed looked down and said; “I did not feel very good having to say it. I felt like I was letting you down.”

“Matt you did the right thing. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You would not do Robert any good by hurting yourself. Instead you did exactly what you should have done. You made sure he had someone to support him and then you backed off so he could get the help he needed.”

After a minute he looked up at me and said, “Thanks uncle.”

“Your welcome Matt and I meant it I am very proud of you.”

We finished our coffee and I said, “Well Matt you had better hit the sack. I am going to do the same, it’s been a long day.”

In spite of being exhausted, I could not fall asleep. I tossed and turned to well past 2:00 AM. Dealing with Roberts’s mother had stirred up long buried emotions.

When the alarm went off at 5:45 AM I felt like I had not gotten any sleep at all. I was well into my second cup of coffee before I even began to function.

After dropping Matt off I came back and did paperwork till around 11:00 AM. Then it was time for my dreaded twice a year chore of cleaning out the drains on the roof. When you have a flat roof you cannot afford to have standing water.

Each spring and fall I go up and clean out the drains and check for gaps between the walls and roof.

I was going to start the process and Matt would be joining me in the afternoon. It was going to be his first time helping and by the time we finished I was sure he would be hoping it would be his last.

After making sure that Zack had everything in hand I got out the large trash bags, leaf rake and heavy-duty broom from the maintenance closet. Then walked them up the 4 flights to the roof. At least having so many steps kept me in fair shape. When I got up to our level I unlocked the door leading to the roof. Then had to pause again and unlock the door on the roof.

The whole block was made up of business of varying heights but it was not all that hard to go from rooftop to rooftop if you wanted to. In fact when I had first moved in someone had come through the rooftop door to break in. After that I had a metal door installed with a bar across it as well. When I had all the tools ready I started cleaning up the roof. I was one of the lucky ones. The roof on my building had been damaged about 2 years before I moved in and the city had forced them to completely redo it. So with a regular maintenance schedule I would get at least 10 years out of it.

The first order of business was getting the drains cleaned. They had covers on them but smaller leaves tended to get through. So you had to remove the covers and reach in and pull out the gunk off the inside screen. After that it was just a matter of sweeping the roof and noting any areas that might need some tar applied.

I marked those areas with a can of yellow spray paint. By the time I had finished with those chores it was almost time for Matt to be joining me. I had arraigned for Steve to pick up both Matt and Timmy and Timmy had volunteered to help as well. I was not stupid; I accepted the extra help. But I did warn him to bring old yard work clothes and shoes. By the time we finished spreading the tar on the areas that needed it and lugging the bags of half-rotten leaves and twigs back down stairs we would be filthy. I had just finished cleaning out the last drain when I heard the door open and Steve, Timmy, and Matt came out.

I had told them about the roof and what we would be doing but this was their first time up on the roof. They both liked the view and were talking about something together. I gave them a minute to explore the roof and if the truth is told to allow me some rest.

Then I asked them to go back down and get two 10-gallon buckets of repair tar from the maintenance closet, in the bookstore. I would have done it but I still had trouble lifting with my arm. So that kind of heavy lifting was still forbidden by my doctor. The few times I had tried to ignore them and do it anyway my arm had let me know about it.

They both headed down for the tar and that gave Steve and I a chance to talk without the boys.

It was silent for a moment then Steve asked, “Joseph how is your arm doing. I noticed that you were rubbing it.”

“It’s still sore and every time I use it for any length of time it gives me a fit. But I have to admit that it is getting better. Even two weeks ago I would not have been able to finish raking and sweeping this roof. So I am making progress though I am sure you have noticed that I am not the most patient man on the planet.”

Even I had to laugh at that observation. Steve looked amused as well. My recovery has been fraught with cursing under my breath and grumbling as I was forced to rely on others. As I had gotten better I had apologized to each and every one of them, multiple times. I was lucky to have family and friends who loved me enough to put up with me while I was recuperating. If it had been me, I might have been tempted to put a pillow over my face while I slept. Fortunately they had allowed me to live.

Steve laughed and said, “To tell you the truth I am not much better myself when I am laid up. So I can’t say anything.”

“How is Timmy, doing all of this has had to be hard on him.”

“He is doing fairly well. As you know he has been seeing Dr. Woodlief since the shooting. Both Dr. Woodlief and Timmy think it is going well. He is even more secure with Matt now. I don’t know if that is a product of what they have been through, or him working on his own issues with his mother leaving us.

When I see them together now nothing is forced or one sided. They are comfortable with each other now. I think that is great.”

“Yeah I know. I have noticed the same thing. They just look natural together now. Like they have always been together. Some couples never do get there and they have accomplished it in less than a year.”

Steve nodded and said, “To be honest with you Joseph. When Timmy said he wanted to bring home a boyfriend I was a little freaked. It is one thing to know that your son is gay. It is another to meet his boyfriend.

But I made sure to make Matt feel welcome and I am glad I did. He turned out to be a great young man and he has been so good for Timmy.”

Steve looked almost ready to cry when he spoke again, “Joseph I have to be honest with you. I am still having problems with it. Don’t get me wrong it’s not the fact that he is gay. It’s what he will face for the rest of his life. I am terrified for Timmy. But I love my son too much to hurt him because of my fears. You and Matt are two of the best friends we have ever had. And Matt is a wonderful boyfriend to him. I don’t see how you can stay so calm knowing all that awaits them out there.”

“Steve. Listen to me. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t worry about them. But it’s something that we have to live with every day. We don’t take it lightly but we try to keep it in perspective. I have talked to both of them and they do understand. Even if they had not before the shooting, they would have afterwards.”

Steve nodded and said, “I know Joseph, it’s just that I see the worst of human nature everyday. When you see so much violence, and know it could be your child, it eats at you.”

I gave him a pat on the back and said, “I understand Steve.”

Before we could continue any further we heard Timmy and Matt coming up the stairs with the tar.

They were laughing at each other and how much trouble they were having with the buckets.

I just shook my head and smiled at them. Then I motioned them to where I wanted the buckets placed. Then I took the old garage broom to use to spread the tar. Each year I used the broom I had purchased the year before. You had to, as the brooms were useless after they were used.

Since we were only spreading it in spots Matt and Timmy did not get very dirty. When we had finished Matt and Timmy asked me if it would be possible to build a patio here on the roof. The question surprised me, as I had never even considered it. But with the afternoon sun shining on us it was comfortable and the view was nice as well. From the roof you could see across the park and at the far end the river. It was a sad commentary that I had never stopped to see the beauty right in front of my face.

I turned to Matt and said, “I don’t know for sure how much weight the roof will stand. I will make a few calls and see what I can find out. It would be nice to have a deck and maybe a few flowers up here. We could invite friends over and have barbecues.”

“Thanks uncle. I was worried you might think it was a stupid idea.”

“Nope I should have thought of it years ago. The only problem I can see is it will get really hot up here in the summer. Maybe we could get an awning or tent like structure. Well we will have to see. I will make the phone calls and go from there.”

Matt nodded and they headed downstairs with the bags and other trash.

Steve looked at me like he was not quit sure if I was serious or not. Then said, “Are you really going to put a deck up here?”

“Yeah I think I am. There were two reasons to consider the project. The first would be to have an area to rest and relax in. I grew up in a rural environment and even though I was comfortable in the city I do miss having a yard. This project would give us a space that could be used for relaxing. Timmy and Matt would have somewhere outside they would feel safe to just be themselves. It would also be great to have a space where I could sit with a book outside and just relax.

The project would allow us to work together to make it happen. I would also be able to hire Robert to do something, that he could feel good about helping with. That way he would not feel like I was offering him charity.”

“I would like a deck with a swing and maybe a barbecue area. If the roof will support it I would even like to put in a small garden in some planters. The real trick will be getting some shade up here. We could paint the roof a lighter color and that would help keep the heat down up here. Then if we could build some kind of deck with a roof over it then I think it would be really nice up here. We would not use the whole roof, as that would be too large. But maybe this front section would be doable.”

He just shook his head and gave me a look like I was nuts.

“Hey don’t you think it will work?”

“When you start talking about a project like this my back starts to bother me just thinking about it. You would either have to carry up all those supplies up 4 flights of stairs or have a crane put them up here. I am not even sure there is a crane in town that can do it, are you?”

“I would have them put up here with a crane. When I moved in here I had some renovations done to the apartment that Matt and I live in. They delivered the building supplies with a crane so I know they can do it. I wont be able to hire a contractor to build it but if I can find some plans I like then I could hire Robert to help Matt and I to complete it. The real question is whither or not the roof will support anything like this or not. I have a friend who is an engineer he would probably take a look at it for me for a reasonable fee.”

“Well let me know what you find out. You even have me interested.”

“Ok I will Steve.”

When we finished with all the clean up I invited Steve and Timmy to join us for dinner at Sally’s. They had brought extra clothes, so everyone headed downstairs to shower, and change.

When we arrived at Sally’s we asked her how Robert was doing and she said, “He is still down of course but he decided to start work tonight. So he is in the back doing dishes right now.”

I said, “Well tell him hi when you go back to the kitchen.”

She smiled and said, “I will tell him you all said hi.”

“Thanks Sally.”

“I will let him know that if he feels up to it he is welcome to come out and visit with you for a while. I’m not going to push it though. It’s not easy but I am trying real hard not to push him to do things. Right now I think he needs to know he is safe and things are going to be stable. The rest can be worked on later.”

I nodded and said, “Yeah. I think you are right.”

Just as we were finishing our meal Robert came out, and we all greeted him. Matt and I moved over to give him some space to sit by us. He half smiled and said, “Thanks guys for all of your help. I don’t know where I would be without your help.”

Matt said, “We wanted to help, because we have been where you are now, so we wanted to make sure that you did not have to got it alone.”

He was struggling to keep from crying and it took him a moment to regain his composure before he said, “Well thanks.”

I smiled and said, “Your welcome Robert.”

Matt was embarrassed but said, “Your welcome.”

There was an awkward silence for a moment as the boys were not used to being so openly emotional with others. But then Sally came out of the kitchen with some fresh apple cobbler and a half-gallon of vanilla ice cream. The boys quickly dove into the dessert. I knew they were glad to have the distraction, but even gladder to have the cobbler, and ice cream.

After we finished dessert Robert headed back to the kitchen and we headed back to the store. Matt and Timmy took a few minutes to say good bye and we went into the kitchen to gave them their privacy. After Steve and Timmy left Matt went to do his homework and I went back downstairs to finish up some paperwork. But I was so tired that I had to call it a evening early. When I went back upstairs I said goodnight to Matt and told him not to stay up too late. Then I headed to bed.