Josh is coming home tomorrow! He is still feeling really down and they have increased his antidepressant dosage. His mom told me that he would be out one more week from school. He is being tutored right now so he won’t get too far behind on his schoolwork.
His mom picked me up after school and took me to see him. I took him his card and he really seemed to be grateful that we took the time. I am glad that David thought of it. He really is kind of sweet even if he is rough on the outside. Sometimes I can’t figure him out. He acts all tough and mean on the outside but when you get to know him you see that inside he is really a neat guy.
My uncle is still moving
a little slow. His ribs and arm are still sore. He says he is fine but you can
tell that he is still hurting.
I have taken over the cooking and cleaning so he does not have to worry about
it.
After school we had practice for the play. Timmy and I look forward to the time because it gives us a chance to work together on something at school. Mr. Davidson is really nice and he has really worked hard to make this play something we all can be proud of. I have had fun running the lights. I am thinking of taking some classes at the community college this summer because I like it so much.
April 2
We won’t talk about yesterday. My boyfriend is in trouble. They got me good, I completely forgot that it was April fools day. Errrr…
He had me convinced that there was a test scheduled for my AP English class. I was freaking because I had not known about it. So I had hurried to my locker and grabbed my notes started to cram for a test that did not exist. I spent about 10 minutes on it before he told me. It’s a good thing he is my boyfriend or I think I would have cheerfully strangled him.
Today I have tryouts for the tennis team! I just hope that I am good enough to make the team. The team members I have met seem pretty cool about me so I don’t think it will be a problem with them.
April 3
Tennis tryouts went pretty good. I made the team and I think I will be playing some of the matches! But I won’t be playing singles that is for sure. I have a lot of work to do to crack the top 4 singles. Coach says I will probably play number 4 or 5 doubles this year. It looks like I will be teamed with Neil he is a year older than me. Coach had the preliminary lineups posted today. I was so excited that I was listed to play in matches. But I am not kidding myself it will take a lot of work to be competitive this year.
Timmy was really excited for me. When I told him tonight he gave me a big hug and kiss. Of course it means that after the play is over I will still have to stay after school for practice. Fortunately the play was going to be this Friday and Saturday. I am kind of nervous but that is normal I am told before the play is put on.
April 4
The tennis tryout was interesting that is for sure. Being in the locker room with a bunch of half dressed guys certainly has its upside. Hehe
That was part of the problem. I was very nervous about being there and not want to appear like I was staring at anyone. Because it was so cold outside we had the first part of the meeting inside. The coach had us set on the bleachers in the locker room and gave us a brief talk about the team and what would be expected of us. Then we had to turn in our physical forms and permission slips. After that he had us go through some conditioning exercises. I got pared with a guy named Neil. He seems a little shy and did not really want to talk as we went through our stretching exercises.
April 5
We had a real practice today. The weather turned warmer and we were able to go out and hit some. The Coach had us hit while he watched our strokes. Then we played some doubles and he took notes. When it was over he had us meet in the gym.
April 6
My Uncle is getting frustrated with how slow he is healing from his wounds. Several times I have heard him cussing under his breath and that is not like him at all.
He tries to hide the fact that he is in pain but I can tell. I have been doing the chores and the cooking so he could get a little rest. Last night we ate a Sarah’s place she was really glad to see us. With everything going on we had not been in to see her in a couple of weeks.
When we went in she came up and gave me a hug and said, “It’s good to see you two again. How are you doing Matt?”
“I’m fine thanks.”
Turning she said, “Joe how are you doing.”
She had that mother hen look and I knew that she was worried about him.
He smiled and said, “I am doing much better Sarah. It is taking longer to heal that I would like but I am hanging in there.
It seems that there is still pressure on the nerve and until it goes down I will continue to have numbness and pain with it.”
She nodded and said, “Well you make sure you pay attention to the doctors. I know how stubborn you can be.”
He grinned and said, “Yeah almost as stubborn as you.”
They both laughed and she took us to our favorite table in the corner.
After we ordered I asked him, “Uncle how bad is your arm? Please don’t try to make light of it.”
He frowned and said, “Matt hon it’s going to be ok. Right now they keep telling me that it takes time and don’t be alarmed. But it’s frustrating to not be able to do the things I need to do. I have put a lot of extra work on you and on Zack and I don’t like that. It’s not fair to you all.”
“Hey don’t be like that. Look at all you do for me. I don’t mind at all. You know that I like to cook and as far as the chores we were splitting them already so it’s not that big a deal.”
He sighed and said, “Thanks Matt it is appreciated.”
“Your welcome.”
April 7
With Josh back in school I we have been busy keeping an eye on him. He has come so far with now that he feels like he belongs. Today I saw him joking in the hall with David. I don’t know what they were talking about but he had David laughing. It was kind of contagious and I was smiling as I walked to my class.
The two of them are so different on the surface. David is so rough and ready to fight and Josh is so…effeminate with his gestures and body language. Don’t get me wrong its who he is and natural to him and now that I am used to it I don’t even notice. I know that some in the group are a little uncomfortable with it but they like him so they put up with it, to me that’s just wrong. We all sit around and complain about how a lot of straight people judge us. Then somehow, we forget that, and turn around, and try to judge gays who are not like us. To me it comes down to this. I don’t have the right to judge others any more than I want to be judged. Now that I know him I am glad I have him as a friend. He is one of the nicest kindest people I have ever met.
The bruises on his face have faded but you can still see the pain in his eyes from time to time. God I don’t know how he holds up like he does. I know that he is seeing Dr. Woodlief twice a week right now. The good thing is that he does not seem to be having as much trouble with his medication as I did.
I have been doing a lot better lately. It has been a gradual thing. Thank God I have not cut myself anymore. It was hard enough having to face Timmy and my Uncle.
April 8
Timmy’s dad dropped him off at our house this morning early, as he had to go out of town. That meant that he would be spending the night and riding to school with us in the morning. I think I squealed like a girl when Uncle told me what was happening.
It was 7:00 AM when I saw them pull up in front of the store. I ran down the stairs to let him in. Who says I was anxious? Hehe
I watched as he pulled his suitcase out of the trunk and then said goodbye to his dad. When he came to the door he smiled and stepped inside. I pulled him into a hug and gave him a kiss. We just stayed there kissing for a couple of minutes then we headed upstairs to put his stuff in the guestroom.
I had fixed breakfast for all of us but by the time we got upstairs it was cold and I had to microwave it. Uncle just raised his eyebrow and smiled when we came into the kitchen.
He said, “Got a little distracted did we?”
I blushed and said, “Sorry Uncle.”
“Its ok Matt.”
But I felt bad before he was hurt he got up every morning and made sure I had breakfast and here I had left him setting there while the food got cold.
He might not have been upset about it but I was. He deserved better than that.
When we arrived at school we had just enough time to make it to our classes so I did not have a chance to talk with him till lunch. Things were going so much better for Josh that we all had relaxed somewhat. But David was still keeping an eye on things. He did not have much faith in his fellow human beings.
We rode home with my uncle and then we went upstairs and started fixing dinner. I am trying to show Timmy that cooking can be fun. But so far I am not having any better luck than his dad.
It felt really good to just be doing normal things again. I have missed him so much the last couple of days. Sure we see each other at school but that’s not the same as being able to cuddle on the couch or just relax and live your life with someone. I tried really hard not to be jealous of the time that Timmy and his dad spend together. I am happy that he has such a good relationship with his dad. But I feel like the odd man out when they are together. Its silly I know but its how I feel.
I had him cut the veggies as I browned the meat for spaghetti sauce. We were cooking the weekday version of my sauce. I use sausage and hamburger browned in olive oil, red wine, garlic, salt, pepper, oregano, and basil. While I was browning the meat Timmy cut up carrots, onions, mushrooms, and celery for the sauce. Then I put the veggies in another pan with olive oil, red wine, salt, garlic, and cooked them down. Because it was a weekday I did not have time to make the sauce from scratch so I used a sauce with sun dried tomatoes and basil in it. Then I stirred the sauce and veggies into the pan with the browned meat. While I was cooking it on low heat Timmy put water on to boil for the spaghetti. Total cooking time including prep is a little under an hour.
Timmy might not like the cooking part but he sure likes to eat it. hehe
After dinner Uncle went down to help Zack and we got on the computer for a while. I sat in Timmy’s lap and typed for both of us. We were talking to some friends of ours from the youth support group. We had first met them at the group and had started chatting with them online. We were lucky we did not have to travel long distances to attend like they did. They lived over 40 miles away. When I learned how far some of the guys had to travel it made me appreciate what we had even more. We were hoping that they could come for the meeting and spend the night. Then their parents could pick them up in the morning. It was still up in the air and we were chatting about it online. They were really nice and we both liked them. They had given us a lot of good advice already, as they had been a couple for over a year already. With their help we were trying to avoid some of the same mistakes they had made.
It had not always been easy for them but they had stuck with it.
Their names were Sam and Greg.
Sam’s parents were not as supportive as Greg’s were but they seemed to be trying to do better. They had reacted badly when Greg discovered them kissing. For several months they had forbidden them to see each other but with the help of Greg’s parents and some people from PFLAG things had gotten better.
Now they allowed them to date but according to Sam things were still tense there.
Because of the tension they spent most of their time at Greg’s house.
Greg: “Matt how are things there for the two love birds.”
Matt: “I’m sitting in Timmy’s lap right now typing this. He makes a great seat but there seems to be a lump in the middle of the seat”
That comment got me a smack on the head from Timmy. I could not see his expression but I knew he would get me back. Oh well it was worth it. Hehe
Matt: “Ouch the seat just hit me. Must be defective I wonder how you fix it?” J
Greg: “hehe I bet there is a lump there. Funny, same thing happens to us.” J
Greg: “You two are so so so bad.”
Matt: “Like you two aren’t. I seem to recall some conversations…
Hehe
Greg: “Hush now you will make my boyfriend blush. You know how shy he is.”
Matt: “Yeah sure I do remember. But shy is not how I would describe either one of you.”
Greg: “Sam can you believe this. The abuse we suffer from those two.”
Sam: “Yeah how quickly they grow up, and turn on you it is so sad. Perhaps one day they will realize the errors of their way. But till then I fear we will have to suffer threw their growing pains.
Matt: “Ha Ha You two are so funny. Not.”
Matt: “Well let us know if you can stay over. We have to run. Will talk with you later. Bye”
Greg: “Bye”
Sam: “Bye”
April 9
Things have settled down and Timmy and I have gotten really close. I feel so comfortable in his arms it feels so natural to me. I love him.
© Joseph Men 2005